Arjun Sharma

It will never be remodeled...

2012-02-07T12:57:00.000+05:30

Maybe its true what i read somewhere, " all of us being cracked open." Like each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And then things happen - these people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or change their priorities, or they need someone more exciting and we lose and fail and get hurt. Relationships take up energy; letting go of them, psychiatrists theorize, entails mental work. When we lose someone we were close to, we have to reassess our picture of the world and our place in it. The more our identity was wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the loss, we no longer believe in the idea of souls mates, love at first sight, being part of each other and the vessel starts to crack in places. And I mean, yeah once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. Once it starts to rain inside the Osprey, it will never be remodeled. But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And its only that time that we see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face to face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade, but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out. But i need to start believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.

Sacred soul....

2012-02-05T00:06:00.000+05:30

" Love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest "

This goes to my beautiful and loving friend ...Anandjot !! You are among one of those sacred souls who chose to live with your love..

You are a true reflection of love, affection and loyalty. I am proud to have someone like you in my life who still reminds me that love always prevails. I wish you all the best of this world and may god bless you with all the finest things.

My way in the voyage of life..

2012-01-26T23:57:00.000+05:30

Never again can I lose my way in the
voyage of life..

I have made You the polar star of my
existence; never again can I lose my way in the
voyage of life.

Wherever I go, You are always there to
shower your benefience all around me. Your face
is ever present before my mind's eyes.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age old pain,
Its ancient tale of being apart or together. Your lullaby
makes me sleep.

Whenever I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness
of time.

Whenever my heart is about to go astray, just
a glance of You makes it feel ashamed of itself.

If I lose sight of You even for a moment, I
almost lose my mind.

....You are my polar star !!
Never again can I lose my way in the
voyage of life..

Sonnet For You ~

2012-01-22T08:51:00.000+05:30

Wishing You A Very Happy Birthday !!

"I-miss-you” because you blessed my heart with pure joy,
When you cared for me in my youth,
With a kind-spirited finger you touched my heart,
Now fingerprints of your legacy remain,
Engraved in the depth of my soul,
For that…I thank you,
Your selfless nature, if possible,
Would have moved mountains yonder,
Just to appease my needs, your deeds I honour,
With the lasting memories of grace,
And Of your undying love,
So I send my love through a dove,
Dove: filled with halos of your spirit passé,
The dove is these words of sonnet; this sonnet wears “I-miss-you”.

Save Your Life !

2012-01-21T14:15:00.000+05:30

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--

Though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,

Though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

My Destiny

2012-01-15T23:02:00.001+05:30

As I fall, it falls with me. Being driven into the ground.
Going farther into the hole I dug. Leaving a blanket for me,
A blanket for me to land on.

Every day I would sink farther. Deeper into a hole.
Closer to the core, closer to the abyss. Every day it falls farther
Than I do. Never standing a chance of rising back up.

The thoughts of you coming back to me lay
At the bottom of this hole. The thoughts of
You not ever hurting me, I lay along with it.
The idea of an everlasting love, lies at the
bottom of the stack. All hopes have sunk.

Ideas of faith shattered instantly. Never coming
Back to the surface. Forming the bottom layer of this
Pillow of broken hopes.

Images of reality are mixed with dreams.
Dreams are what my life is made of. Dreams
Get broken in a matter of seconds. Broken with just
One word. Sinking lower and lower.
Till finally they hit the bottom.

My hopes have drowned in a sea of tears.
Drowned just like everything I have ever known.
Shattered and torn like glass and rags. Forming the bottom
Of a hard pillow on the floor of a dark abyss. As I hit the
Bottom I shatter just like my hopes and dreams.
Sunken Hopes have broken my fall. Shattered dreams have
Made me bounce. But Gravity brings everything back down.
Sunken hopes and Shattered dreams is my destiny.

I can't take this fall

2012-01-14T19:32:00.000+05:30

You left me
In a broken home
I'm all alone
Why did you have to take my heart?
If you didn't know the fault
I miss you
I need you
I'm lost without you

Just come back to me
I can't take this fall
It is burning deep inside my soul
You left a big hole

I'm lost and confused
Unable to come to a truce
I need you
I can't move past the fall
I miss you
I need you
I'm lost without you

Just come back to me
Don't let me go
You need me
You need to fix the hole
That consumes me inside out
And takes away my soul

Come back to me
Or forget me
And leave me without a towel
To wipe away my screaming howl

Under the moon
Inside my souls doom
For ever more for ever more
To say goodbye
For you have taken a toll
And wounded my soul
I miss you
I need you
I'm lost without you

You're too far away for me to run to

2012-01-13T14:24:00.000+05:30

You're too far away for me to run to ..
A million galaxies live within you
Why can't I cry my way to your dimension
Or a new dimension not only out of sight and sound but of mind
I'm amazed by night's newest shadows
But if I could feel your moon's good intentions
Venus wants her frown and can not kiss me
So I sympathize with the dark side of the moon inside you
But...

If I could be your parallel
If I could be your one way out
If I could be your vision now
If I could be your star
If I could be a brighter light
If I could comfort you at night
If I could be your star...
If I could be your star

Must I be those rings that surround you
Can I send a satellite to your garden safely
Super nova's fight your emotions
So tell me all your reasons
Tell me why e=mc squared
You invade my space with gravitation
I don't wanna sacrifice
But I'm in orbit
How do all your miles leave you weightless
Can I touch your surface
Or will I burn up in your atmosphere
Because

If I could be your parallel
If I could be your one way out
If I could be your vision now
If I could be your star
If I could be a brighter light
If I could comfort you at night
If I could be your star...
If I could be your star

I could feel your sweet radiation
And with all the space in you I haven't seen you lately
A hundred million light years sit between us
So kill the universe
And tell me where your comets take you
Because...

If I could be your parallel
If I could be your one way out
If I could be your vision now
If I could be your star
If I could be a brighter light
If I could comfort you at night
If I could be your star...
If I could be your star

You're too far away for me to run to ..

Come Back !

2012-01-09T16:27:00.000+05:30

Remembering you on this day Melly. Reading your tweets and missing you. You always made me feel so strong and special. Why you left me like this Melly ? Why everyone leaves me ? POPO is all alone, back to same life and i cant see you around me. It is going to be very tough for me now.

I am left with only your memories to cherish upon. Come back Melly. Come for your POPO please or take me away with you. I need you more than ever when this world is pointing fingers on my weaknesses and throwing me away like a trash.

Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said

2012-01-09T11:55:00.000+05:30

Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said
...Because sometimes there is no easy way out

I just wanted to find someone who wont run away
Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me its okay that things don't always go right but it will somehow get better

That this is how life works. and how it will always work.
That it's not going to be easy. Today, Tomorrow, the next day.
But it will somehow get better

You just have to grin and bear it. Sometimes the only escape route is to go straight through the flames, just brace yourself and bite your lip. Sometimes you have to sever the ties clean off. In every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return

U are FAKE

2012-01-08T23:18:00.000+05:30

Whose to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way
Good God, you're coming up with reasons
Good God, you're dragging it out
Good God, it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped, so follow me down and just...

Fake it if you're out of direction
Fake it if you don't belong here
Fake it if you feel like infection
Whoa, you're such a hypocrite

You should know that the lies won't hide your flaws
No sense in hiding all of yours
You gave up on your dreams along the way
Good God, you're coming up with reasons
Good God, you're dragging it out
Good God, it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped, so follow me down and just...

Fake it if you're out of direction
Fake it if you don't belong here
Fake it if you feel like infection
Whoa, you're such a hypocrite

I can fake with the best of anyone
I can fake with the best of them all
I can fake with the best of anyone
I can fake it all

Whose to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way
Good God, you're coming up with reasons
Good God, you're dragging it out
Good God, it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped, man, follow me down and just...

Fake it if you're out of direction
Fake it if you don't belong here
Fake it if you feel like infection
Whoa, you're such a hypocrite

GOD ! You are FAKE!!

2012-01-08T22:05:00.001+05:30

This day took you away ! This day again took away a lot from me. Come Back Melly ! I am waiting for you. Come Back Please ! I have only aai with me rest all moved on with their choices.

Aye Mohabbat Tere Anjaam Pe Rona Aaya

2012-01-01T23:09:00.000+05:30

Aye Mohabbat Tere Anjaam Pe Rona Aaya
Jaane Kyon Aaj Tere Naam Pe Rona Aaya
Yun Toh Har Shaam Ummido Mein Guzar Jaati Hai
Aaj Kuch Baat Hai Jo Shaam Pe Rona Aaya
Kabhi Taqdeer Ka Matam Kabhi Duniya Ka Gila
Manzil-e-Ishq Mein Har Gam Pe Rona Aaya
Jab Hua Zikr Zamane Mein Mohabbat Ka
Mujh Ko Apane Dil-e-Nakaam Pe Rona Aaya

Lyrics: Shakeel Badayuni
Singer: Begum Akhtar

MEDIOCRITY - Road To Nowhere

2011-12-28T12:45:00.000+05:30

I don’t know about you, but one of the things I’m afraid most in life is mediocrity. For me, life is too precious to be lived in mediocrity. Life is a golden opportunity, and we should use it as good as we can. Living in mediocrity means we do not use the opportunity as good as we should.
Unfortunately, many people are trapped in mediocrity. I believe one of the main reasons is they do not dare to be different. You need to be different if you want to be above the average. The question is:

Do you dare to be different?

This question might not be easy to answer, but how you answer it will make the difference between excellence and mediocrity.
Here are some more specific questions to help you check yourself and take actions:

1. Do you have a dream?
This is the first question you should ask yourself. I believe one of the main reasons people just follow the herd is they don’t have a dream. If there is nothing to pursue then why bother being different?
But a dream is what sets you above the average. Not having a dream means going to mediocrity on autopilot.
If your answer for this first question is “no” then start searching. I’m sure you have a dream deep inside of you. It might be something from your childhood. Maybe for long time you have been too busy to let the little voice of your dream be heard. This is the right time to heed that little voice.
If you have found your dream, the next question is whether or not you have the courage to follow it. Questions two through five will deal with that.

2. Are you doing what you want or what you should?
There are often implicit “rules” about what someone should do in a particular situation. For example, when there are two job opportunities, the “rule” says that you should take the one with higher pay.
But is that what you want? I mean, does it help you achieve your dream? Maybe the job with less pay will help you achieve your dream while the one with higher pay doesn’t. Do you have the courage to be different and follow your dream?

3. Do you worry more about being loved than being what you love?
Another reason why we don’t dare to be different is because we are trying to meet other people’s expectations. We often worry more about what other people say than about what matters to us. But living someone else’s life is a bad way to live your life. Why should you lose opportunity just because of what other people say?

4. Do you choose what is safe rather than what is right?
Maybe you are not trying to meet other people’s expectation. Maybe you just don’t want to take risks and therefore you choose to play safe. But this is exactly what many old people regret. When they were asked in a study about what they regretted most and what they would do differently, most of them answered: “I wish I had risked more.” Don’t let the same regret happen to you.

5. If you had only six months left to live, would you do what you are doing now?
You can only answer “yes” to this question if what you are doing matters to you. Doing what matters to you is a sure way to excellence since you will do it with all your heart. But you need the courage to be different and follow your heart. Do you have it? I hope your answer is yes. Life is too precious to be lived in mediocrity.

In anything that you do, I will be happy for you...

2011-11-16T18:05:00.000+05:30

In anything that you do, I will be happy for you, so ecstatic for you
Whatever you are to be, I hope that you'll think of me within your
Sweetest daydreams ..
Whenever you decide to die, I hope you're fortified with all you want
In life ..
Whenever you have to change, don't let it make you run away from
All that I have to say
Because they'll love you today, when all they really wanna do is ruin
Everything..

I just can't sleep at nite
Knowing the wolves are out to get you
And all the hurt awaiting with life
I just can't walk away knowing...
The pain might leave you broken
If there's anything you might hate, don't make my mistakes,
Let it dissipate
All the things you'll go thru, I know that they'll punish me
More than they punish you
Anytime guilt is felt, don't touch thru no one else, they'll
Make you hurt yourself
Anything you might see looks that looks like it's defeating me,
Don't be afraid of these things
Because you're stronger than me, and all they really wanna do is ruin
Everything

I just can't sleep at nite
Knowing the wolves are out to get you
And all the hurt awaiting with life
I just can't walk away knowing...
The pain might leave you broken
Knowing...
The pain that left me broken

Because they'll love you today, when all they really wanna do is ruin
Everything

In anything that you do, I will be happy for you...
So ecstatic for you..

You were awesome !

I choose to live !!

2011-10-22T11:04:00.000+05:30

Productiveness is your acceptance of morality, your recognition of the fact that you choose to live--that productive work is the process by which man's consciousness controls his existence, a constant process of acquiring knowledge and shaping matter to fit one's purpose, of translating an idea into physical form, of remaking the earth in the image of one's values
--that all work is creative work if done by a thinking mind, and no work is creative if done by a blank who repeats in uncritical stupor a routine he has learned from others
--that your work is yours to choose, and the choice is as wide as your mind, that nothing more is possible to you and nothing less is human
--that to cheat your way into a job bigger than your mind can handle is to become a fear-corroded ape on borrowed motions and borrowed time, and to settle down into a job that requires less than your mind's full capacity is to cut your motor and sentence yourself to another kind of motion: decay
--that your work is the process of achieving your values, and to lose your ambition for values is to lose your ambition to live
--that your body is a machine, but your mind is its driver, and you must drive as far as your mind will take you, with achievement as the goal of your road
--that the man who has no purpose is a machine that coasts downhill at the mercy of any boulder to crash in the first chance ditch, that the man who stifles his mind is a stalled machine slowly going to rust, that the man who lets a leader prescribe his course is a wreck being towed to the scrap heap, and the man who makes another man his goal is a hitchhiker no driver should ever pick up
--that your work is the purpose of your life, and you must speed past any killer who assumes the right to stop you, that any value you might find outside your work, any other loyalty or love, can be only travelers you choose to share your journey and must be travelers going on their own power in the same direction.

Listening My Valid Concerns !

2011-10-14T12:42:00.000+05:30

I looked at myself in the cruel reflection of the mirror

That image had looked back at me

Like a hoax in the glass as it stood silent

And I, as witness to its revelation, froze

In my vision lay the product of many years

A reminder without reason or rhyme

As if the purpose would remain unknown

A puzzle unsolved by my eyes

Left to the leisure of a future generation

I am the counterpart of a generation extinct

The modern equivalent lost and scattered

And I can only listen to my valid concerns

In the busy intersection of Babylon

A Legend Called ' Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan '

2011-10-13T11:31:00.001+05:30

In 1993, a winter performance at the Gateway Theater in Chicago displayed all the ingredients of a typical rock concert: an endless, almost hypnotizing beat; hundreds of mesmerized individuals slavishly clap to the beat while dozens more dance in the aisles. But unlike a U2 or Pearl Jam show, this was a concert with a higher purpose — rejoicing in the grace of Allah.

Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, a name which is neither well-known or well-pronounced by most Americans, is a pinnacle of success in southern Asia and many other parts of the world. Hailed by many as the Pavarotti of Pakistan, Khan is the world’s most celebrated qawwal. A qawwal is a specially-trained male vocalist who performs qawwali, a musical expression of devotional poetry practiced by the Sufis. The Sufis, an ancient mystical sect of Islam, achieve spiritual enlightenment through music, much like a Whirling Dervish achieves a higher state of consciousness through dancing.

In performing qawwali, the main vocalist sits with three other vocalists, two of which are playing harmonium pump organs. Behind them sit five other men: four who clap and sing as a chorus, and one who plays the tabla, the traditional drum of the Subcontinent. As the harmonium players begin to solo in the chosen key, the chorus and tabla player keep a steady beat. The qawwal and his other singers then sustain a passionate cry, calling the audience to order. Once the qawwal is ready, he begins the lyrics — often a praising of Muhammad or a tale of love.

Qawwali is performed in a simple verse-and-chorus format. The qawwal will continue each verse, trading off lines with the other singers. As each verse builds to a climax, they passionately return to the chorus, over and over again, for up to twenty minutes. Words are repeated until they lose meaning, leaving only the music and the spirit behind.
While traditional Qawwal is performed at Sufi shrines and weddings, Khan has brought the style to the West with wild abandon. Though other vocalists may have a stronger voice or greater range, it can be easily argued than Khan has the most passionate voice in the modern musical world.

To be in the presence of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan is a mystical experience in itself. A short, heavy man, Khan sits on the stage with his party, made up of his younger brother Farukh, his nephew Rahat and half a dozen cousins. Waiting for the right moment to sing, he stares intently at the floor. His eyes close as he slowly gestures his hand in front of him, as if to say “The song is about to begin. Please join me and listen.” As the spirit of the music grows, his excitement grows — ever so slightly. Khan, now swaying his large, majestic torso back and forth, winces while his left hand flails in front of him. The hypnotized audience rests on each syllable of his words. Adoring fans dance to the stage and throw handfuls of dollars over him — over forty times last Friday alone — and he does not even acknowledge him. The music is too important to be distracted by several hundred dollars showering from above.

It is no surprise that Khan decided to become a qawwal, for his family has performed traditional Sufi music for over twenty generations. As he explained to me through a translator, “My family has been raising qawwals for over 600 years. I have been trained with it since I was very young. My father, who was also a qawwal, actually would have wanted wanted me to become an engineer or a doctor. Instead, I chose to follow the tradition under the apprenticeship of my father and uncle.” By choosing to follow the Qawwal tradition, Khan commits himself to more than the music — he commits himself to Sufism itself. His fans praise him like a gift, calling him The Master. He is known throughout the world as Shahen-Shah, the Shining Star. To compare his stature to even the greatest performers in the West would still be an understatement. Yet, he remains a humble servant to God, never allowing his fame to defeat his purpose.

When I went backstage to interview him during the intermission, he was sitting in a chair, surrounded by fans as they knelt on the floor. Not knowing how to act or how to address him, I also knelt before him in awe, looking up at the great Shahen-Shah. Before he addressed me, I turned to one of my translators and asked, “What should I call him?” fearing that there must be a proper term in his native Urdu. A young moustached man smiled and says, “Mr. Khan will do. He is, alas, only a man like you or I.”

Suddenly relaxed by this poetic, if not rehearsed response, I introduced myself. Khan, with an overwhelming smile planted on his baby face, shook my hand vigorously and offered me tea. As we conversed through three tag-teaming translators, Khan listened intently to my every word. He tried his best to understand my English — having recently moved to America as Artist-In-Residence of the University of Washington, Khan used our meeting as a chance to analyze his language skills. While he patiently worked his way through every word, I noticed a small case of lazy eye. As we finished, I am once again offered tea and a small somosa. I had feared an uncomfortable conversation with a saint. I enjoyed a conversation with an old friend instead.

“I cannot allow the fame to go to my head,” explains Khan. “Many have said I have compromised my faith by coming to the West. But this is not so. To travel the world and open the hearts of those whose were previously closed is a joy worth the other sacrifices.”

To live the life of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan is by no means simple. In addition to his teaching duties at the University of Washington, Khan performs as often as possible. The Chicago concert, in fact, was literally a last minute affair, planned from start to finish in two weeks alone. The concerts themselves add to the toll; unlike most western concerts, qawwali performance continue until spiritual elevation is achieved. His recent appearance, which started around nine p.m., continued past one in the morning. “The touring is intense, but enlightening,” he admits. But the humble Khan refuses to complain: “Qawwal can never be seen as a chore.”

Though popular in Europe since the early seventies, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan has only recently reached the ears of Americans. Much of this new-found success is due to his friendship with Peter Gabriel, who produced his last album, appropriately entitled Shahen-Shah, on Gabriel’s Real World label.

“I was first introduced to Peter Gabriel several years ago,” remembers Khan. “He had recently heard my voice and asked if we could meet. In 1987, he used my voice on his album Passion and the movie The Last Temptation of Christ in the scene where the Christ was raised unto the cross. Working with Peter is a great joy.”

Wrapped within a lifestyle of fanatical fans, never-ending tours and teaching the tradition, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan lives in a spiritual fast lane, not that unlike an American rock sensation. But for Khan, this is the only way he would have ever wanted. The Sufi credo teaches an ascetic lifestyle, achieving Allah through music and experience. From this life a paradise is born.

“To be a qawwal is more than being a performer, more than being an artist,” he notes with a stern, but wise smile. “One must be willing to release one’s mind and soul from one’s body to achieve ecstasy through music. Qawwali is enlightenment itself.”

Enlightenment, indeed, for all who may listen.

Remembering Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan Sahab on his 63rd Birthday !!

( I am thankful to Andy Carvin for allowing me to post this article on my blog )

Why so tragic?

2011-10-12T12:44:00.000+05:30

It is the fate of great achievements, born from a way of life that sets truth before security, to be gobbled up by you and excreted in the form of shit. For centuries great, brave, lonely men have been telling you what to do. Time and again you have corrupted, diminished and demolished their teachings; time and again you have been captivated by their weakest points, taken not the great truth, but some trifling error as your guiding principal. This, little man, is what you have done with World, with the doctrine of sovereign people, with socialism, with everything you touch. Why, you ask, do you do this?

I don't believe you really want an answer. When you hear the truth you'll cry bloody murder, or commit it. …

You had your choice between soaring to superhuman heights with Nietzsche and sinking into subhuman depths with Hitler. You shouted Heil! Heil! and chose the subhuman.
You had the choice between Lenin's truly democratic constitution and Stalin's dictatorship. You chose Stalin's dictatorship. You had your choice between Freud's elucidation of the sexual core of your psychic disorders and his theory of cultural adaptation. You dropped the theory of sexuality and chose his theory of cultural adaptation, which left you hanging in mid-air.
You had your choice between Jesus and his majestic simplicity and Paul with his celibacy for priests and life-long compulsory marriage for yourself. You chose the celibacy and compulsory marriage and forgot the simplicity of Jesus' mother, who bore her child for love and love alone. You had your choice between Marx's insight into the productivity of your living labor power, which alone creates the value of commodities and the idea of the state. You forgot the living energy of your labor and chose the idea of the state.
In the French Revolution, you had your choice between the cruel Robespierre and the great Danton. You chose cruelty and sent greatness and goodness to the guillotine.
In Germany you had your choice between Goring and Himmler on the one hand and Liebknecht, Landau, and Muhsam on the other. You made Himmler your police chief and murdered your great friends.
You had your choice between Julius Streicher and Walter Rathenau. You murdered Rathenau.
You had your choice between Lodge and Wilson. You murdered Wilson.
You had your choice between the cruel Inquisition and Galileo's truth. You tortured and humiliated the great Galileo, from whose inventions you are still benefiting, and now, in the twentieth century, you have brought the methods of the Inquisition to a new flowering. … Every one of your acts of smallness and meanness throws light on the boundless wretchedness of the human animal. 'Why so tragic?' you ask. 'Do you feel responsible for all evil?' With remarks like that you condemn yourself. If, little man among millions, you were to shoulder the barest fraction of your responsibility, the world would be a very different place. Your great friends wouldn't perish, struck down by your smallness.

Cynicism vs Romanticism

2011-10-10T11:19:00.000+05:30

I guess festival days serves as a pretty reliable barometer of people's perception to the world around them.

Typically, there are two philosophies at play: those individuals who see the holiday as a painful reminder that their life is missing that special someone and those that use the opportunity to either celebrate an existing love or rekindle their hope that, as the classic tune goes, the best is yet to come.

At it's most basic level, these opposing views really break down into a question of cynicism versus romanticism.

There are those people that can't shake the suspicious feeling that the world around them is a dark, scary place brimming with greed, disease, corruption and ulterior motives.

And then there are those of us that choose to focus on all the amazing aspects of life, the existence of which can often be clouded by the indisputable, omnipresent darkness. This group retains faith in the inherent goodness of people, appreciates the seemingly ordinary magic of life and generally grips a hopefulness and eternal optimism that they carry with them no matter where life may lead.

Certainly, there are times when viewing the world through a romanticized lens can become a burden, and one may be tempted to give in to the negative peer pressure and adopt a less idealistic perspective.

Personally, I've often struggled with this and have doubted whether or not my romanticized persona was little more than a facade. Did I actually believe the wholly positive attitude I emoted or was I simply doing my damnedest to protect my sensitive, Aquarian nature from harm?

The answer is... A little bit of both. At a certain point, I know I did hide behind a cheerful demeanor - at least in some circles - as a form of self-denial and a way to keep my true misery masked from the judging eyes of the world at large.

However, the older I get, the more I have come to realize that my true Arjun-ness is in reality strikingly close to the enthusiastic behavior I so fervently flaunted in my adolescence. Of course, like anyone else, I have my moments of weakness and doubt, but I still rely on a romanticized foundation.

So often, I see people around me who seem miserable with their stagnant and unfulfilling lives. They get so caught up in the negative parts of life that cynicism begins to overtake their every thought. Who got the promotion I deserve? Why can't I lose weight? Why is my life so terrible?

It reaches a point where they lose all perspective in life... missing out on the people who love them, people who supported them in their darkest time, people who were punching bags for them, people who tried their best to make them happy, the little miracles of life and all the good fortune they've seen... until any shred of their child-like sense of wonder and amazement at life, love and all that entails is diminished to nothing more than the tiniest speck of light in an overwhelming darkness.

The more I think about it, the more it saddens me, but in this life, there's really only one spirit we can control: our own. So, despite a million reasons not to, I continue to rely on my light-hearted spirit to guide me, whether or not the people around me accept or recognize it.

Because, when it comes right down to it, that's all I have in life. It's literally taken me years to reclaim this attitude. I must accept this that people like ' Sparkle ' have always helped me in building such attitude and i am thankful for that. I have no intention of ever letting go of it again. No matter people come in my life, use me and move on with others but i know i have good spirits around me in form of aai, sparkle and more..

And, if my positivity somehow brightens up someone else's soul even a little bit, then I've done my part to make the world a better place, nudging romanticism that much further in it's never-ending struggle to overtake the cynical milieu that has a strangehold on our society.

How to handle BIG MOUTHS !!

2011-10-04T18:54:00.000+05:30

We’ve all had run-ins with bossy and controlling personalities that think they know-it-all about everything. These people look for trouble before there is any. They think it’s their job to tell us what they know and give us a seminar while they’re at it. An hour or two in a room with big-mouth personalities might tempt us to run the other way and never return. But, what do we do if this narcissistic-type personality is a family member? Do we become a victim to their barrages? Do we cut off ties? Or, are there ways we can manage our relationship?

We can point out to them how what they say affects us, but certainly we can’t change them. When we’ve had enough and blown our fuse, these bullies resort to blaming us for being overly-sensitive. We can point out to them how what they say affects us, but certainly we can’t change them. When we’ve had enough and blown our fuse, these bullies resort to blaming us for being overly-sensitive.

Chances are, the way these big-mouths treat us, is the way they treat countless others. If they could just step outside and see themselves as others see them, they would be mortified, but something seems to prevent them from doing that. They have to be the only one in the room that is right and in control.

While big-mouth’s think they’re being helpful by offering unsolicited criticism or advice, we see it as dominance and disrespect. No one wants to live under the thumb of this type of person. So how do we deal with them?

- Limit our time. We can set boundaries such as the number of hours or locations we will be near them. We can reduce or eliminate email or telephone exchanges, meet in neutral locations that we can leave if necessary, only meet them if others are with us—generally limit conversation and encounters with them. (Like a dog protecting its turf, we will be out-matched while on the big-mouth’s turf, so we should be vigil when we are.
- Limit the amount of time they are in our domain. Never should we give big-mouths a key to our house or office, or welcome them for lengthy periods of time under our roof. During a visit, we can focus on activities where conversation, opinions and opportunity for criticism are minimized. We can take them out, or arrange for another person to take over entertaining them, to give ourselves a break.
- Keep information to ourselves. Offering too much information, gives more ammunition for a big-mouth to shoot us down. It’s unfortunate that big-mouths miss much about us because we have to edit ourselves
- Keep opinions to a minimum. Be prepared, that if we do have an opinion and express it, we may get seven back from the big-mouth, telling us why ours is wrong. Don’t walk into a trap!
Compliment them. There’s nothing a narcissists like more, than to feel important and liked. If we can put then in a good mood, they might decide not to attack. Look for something we have in common and comment about something good they do.
- Listen. When sharing our point of view doesn’t work, or when it is thrown back in our face, we learn it is better to say nothing. If we instead, listen to the big-mouth’s banter for as long as we can (without exploding), nodding every now and then, we give her what she wants—an audience. Listening doesn’t give big-mouths something to fight about. We have to just make sure we don’t absorb the garbage and stress unknowingly being dumped on us.
Use tactical responses. When big-mouths suggest something to us, we can respond by saying “that’s an interesting idea” and that we’ll think about it. We don’t have to take the advice at all (unless it’s good). We can later come back and say, “I thought about what you said, and I won’t be doing it, but it did help me make decisions about what I do want to do.

every office has a loud mouth
- Always come up smelling like a rose. It might help if we can see the big-mouth as a “special needs” person, who is not worth raising our blood pressure over. Being a peacemaker is much better than being a fighter.
- Take simple shots. Rather than copying the long-winded argumentative opinions big-mouths throw our way, we can toss out strategic comments that show we do know a thing or two. Simple shots are also effective in change the subject and doing damage control.
- Take a break. It may become necessary to leave the room when a big-mouth personality gets under our skin. We can excuse ourselves to the washroom, make a telephone call, run an errand, go for a walk, etc. Going out for a walk or getting fresh air can help relieve the pressure that’s been building up beneath us, providing stress relief as we release endorphins. (Don’t worry about leaving a big-mouth alone, she will know only too well how to take care of herself.)
We usually can’t change the behaviour of big-mouths, but we can change the way we deal with them. If we look for nuggets of truth in what they say, we may actually learn something from them.
- In most cases big-mouths are bombastic because they want to feel needed. They want to “help”, even if we don’t ask for it. By making others look bad, big-mouths make themselves feel good. They are stuck in a desperate circle of constantly trying to justify their worth with an inflated sense of self.
Unfortunately, all the good tactics in the world can leave us feeling like a doormat. We shouldn’t be afraid to defend ourselves, but unfortunately with these people it’s hardly worth the effort. Showing we are unaffected by the big-mouth’s blather, might give them a powerful message.
Whatever we do, it’s important to look after ourselves, our family, our mental health and our stress levels. We don’t need to become an on-going punching bag for a big-mouth know-it-all. If the relationship is excessively toxic, it is better to distance ourselves or terminate the relationship.

What's the price ?

2011-09-27T22:30:00.000+05:30

When you're called and appointed, how do you know your responsibility? How do you know what you are to do? Do you stand still while figuring it out? Or can you keep moving while working it out? What confirmation would you want?

And when no one's looking, do you still do what's right? What's the price to buy your integrity?

Responsibility's a big word, a heavy load...is it really?

We aren't called to climb the mountain of self-justification by merit and works--a gift is a gift is a gift. Just accept your authority and blessing.Can you shine where you are placed? To make positive the negative?

Breaking forth to a new level demands a new way, new thoughts, new attitude, new relationships, new knowledge, new commitment...a new you! Well, you're still you. Yet you're also become the you you're meant to be.

So back to this thing called responsibility. If you've started something, surely you're responsible to see it through. If you're given responsibility, then surely you're expected to fulfil what's asked of you.

What's the price to buy your integrity?

Endless Journey.....

2011-08-27T21:43:00.000+05:30

Do you ever feel that you would like to clear the slate? Just get everything finished, all the loose ends of your life tied up neatly. Just like that? I do, but then when I'm anywhere close, a panic seizes me, something unexpected occurs and shatters me, every day i may make progress, every step may be fruitful yet there is a stretch out there for me which is an ever-lengthiening, ever-ascending and that makes me feel i will never get to the end of the journey. I think of what it would be to have nothing to do in the world. How boring it would be! How terrifying! Although i take joy in little things of daily life but I think I must learn to take joy in the little victories and accomplishments much seriously too while keeping my eyes ever on the next goal. This is challenging.

It's so easy to rest on my laurels. And what does it get me? A closetful of unfinished sketching projects and a notebook of random notes. Nothing new to wear. No blogs worth publishing. Yet, there is more to life than setting goals and meeting deadlines. It's a cliche, but it's still true that life is what happens when you're making other plans. After all, what's a life, anyway ? We're born, we live a little while and we die.

Life is often more interesting than anything you could have dreamed up for yourself untill you dont have habit of woving webs for anyone you like. So my question is, how do you find balance been planning and achieving and just enjoying life as it comes? How do you avoid feeling devastated when your map gets sucked out the window of your car and you decide to just see where the road will take you?

By writing this blog perhaps i am just trying to lift up my life a trifle. But yes i do have words to say..."A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song."

Not yet, not now, not...me.

2011-08-15T09:18:00.000+05:30

Forewarned by my previous director, I set about my perfectionist streak to be as detailed and determined as I could. Thankfully some things that were unclear even a week before simply fell into place.I am more clear and conscience about some people in my life.

Set in motion by a good intention and a positive attitude--and a good reputation--the build-up leading to the actual event was just marvellous. I'm grateful for a responsive and responsible collective team of confident and "can-do" people in my life.

The dust ain't settled though. Documentation, doggedly digging for a firm solution ahead, and determining to do what's right... One's To-Do list abounds and never clears.

What else gives?

What's it like to shout what you think should deserve an energetic response return nary an echo? In this world of electronic pings and pokes, silence is not heard because collateral noise covers up almost immediately. Kind of like a 7-second memory, or maybe...never mind.

Worth, value and reward. What drives you? I'm not talking about goals but your inner belief and idea of who and how you and your life's work will be deemed.

Not yet, not now, not...me.

I am doing fine...

2011-08-13T20:23:00.000+05:30

I lay on my backs in the balcony
Silently watching the rain clouds move by far too fast
I know its a night where anything could happen
But nothing was gonna last
And I am doing fine now yeah i do
I don't feel sad or bad or blue and you know
I ain't never defeated
Not broken inside all that is fine
Yeah all that is fine

I, i burn my boats each new year
Silently watching the flames and the old life disappear
I am burning new sunrise into yesterday's skies
An ashen fingerprint melts into the sea
And I am doing fine now yeah i do
I don't feel sad or bad or blue and you know
I ain't never defeated
Not broken inside all that is fine
Yeah all that is fine

And I am doing fine now yeah i do
I don't feel sad or bad or blue and you know
I ain't never defeated
Not broken inside all that is fine
Yeah all that is fine

What gets his EYE, Heart & Attention ??

2011-08-08T10:44:00.000+05:30

What does God look for?

This is no preaching piece. I'm really wondering just what gets His eye and heart and attention.

Is it faithfulness and dependability?

Is it willingness to trust Him and take that step of faith? Well, in short, faith.

Is it fruitfulness, the ability to apply your talents and bear results?

Is it integrity, being faithful even when no one's looking?

Is it courage and standing firm in the face of attacks and danger to self?

Is it persistence when things aren't going how you expected?

Is it knowing God's word, what it reveals, what He's saying to you and your situation?

Is it being obedient?

Is it knowing God's heart and what matters to Him?

Or is it simple being yourself ? Because we are creation of God and whatever we have within us is created by God.

What would God do, goes the adage.

So what should we do?

What does it mean to be free?

2011-08-06T10:37:00.000+05:30

There is a conscious thought I remember attaining when I was much younger. It was very clear to me, given that which I knew, that every human being was pretty much the same and that everyone had the right to act in a manner that one independently felt was in one's best interests, a manner that maximised one's experiences of life but a manner that above all did not directly or indirectly cause harm to any other individual, to the best of one's knowledge; but we all know, ignorance doesn't count.

It was the thinking of a child and I couldn't quite frame the argument to satisfy the situations I encountered everyday but I still felt that there was some truth in it. As a young boy, I struggled with various questions of meaning and existence. I wondered why one person had the right to expect anything from another, whether there was anything that was freely given in this world and whether in the grand scheme of things it mattered. Whether there was truly justice, whether somehow everything evened out. I know now, that there are as many answers to these questions as there are human beings on this earth because when it comes to the beliefs we hold dear, "one man's paradise is another man's prison".

I have always been in search of an identity; an answer to the question that I believe plagues every human being at one point in their lives if they are so unfortunate as to be of average cognition or better.

The World Is SELF

2011-08-04T17:07:00.000+05:30

Human beings like being lied to, yes; we seem to have an affinity for it. If it wasn’t for that fact, we who put words together probably wouldn’t have a job. In reality, when stripped of all emotion, life is simply boring and repetitive, human interaction is what keeps people going. Even the mightiest of us all has to concede that without the rest of us, there would be no way to define his or her might. Most of us walk around with the belief that we are somehow engaged in a worthwhile venture, that what we do on some level matters even if we don’t understand it. We are for the most part content to believe that we are somehow part of a greater purpose but when it comes down to what we feel and believe independent of “other people”, we, for the most part, don’t have a clue as to what we are doing.

People come together for all sorts of reasons but the primary urge we have behind all our actions is survival. Hardcoded within our DNA is a will to survive like no other for men will endure seemingly eternal torment and fight against unimaginable odds just for a breath of free air. Yet when we are satisfied and our thirst quenched, there are still desires within us, things that we don’t quite understand.

As a child, I came to understand that sometimes other people just don’t want to know anything about your feelings, that in fact, they would rather chew tin foil than listen to you prattle about how life is unfair to you. I also understood that sometimes it’s not that they don’t care but that, well, “everyone goes through shit” and no one has the right to transfer their shit onto someone else unless they are responsible for causing it or they willingly take it up, kind of like the doctrine of bearing each other’s burdens. I understood that there are certain people in life that you expect to be there for you, people you can count on and in my mind the very least you can expect from them is honesty.

The world is the self; your world is what you know and no more, know more.

What Do You Love To Do ???

2011-08-03T10:34:00.000+05:30

“If you want to find out who people are, don’t ask them what they do but what they love.”

I was part of a conversation recently where people discussed how they feel about being asked ‘what they do.’ The responses ranged from seeing it as an easy way to start a conversation to feeling it was a way to ‘categorized’ someone based on their employment. Personally, I have experienced both.

I love this quote because I think it speaks to the rarity of being able to do, for money, what we love. Sometimes, that is the case. I am one who is so blessed. I have the privilege of doing what I love along with my full time job and getting paid for it.

But, many of us work to earn the money to do what we love. Our job doesn’t define us. There are those who do not get paid at all but are doing what they were designed to do. I am thinking of a beautiful, college-educated, talented, young woman who has made the decision to stay at home and care for her children. She is fully capable of earning an income in any number of ways but her heart’s desire is to build into the little lives that have been entrusted to her. It is heartbreaking that she feels the need to justify why she has made this choice. If you ask her what she does, she may say, “Nothing. I’m a stay-at-home mom.” If you ask her what she loves, she’ll say, “Being a mom.”

I know most of the people consider asking " What do you do ? " rather than " What you love to do ? " but just for a day, Today, consider asking someone what they love. It will give you a much deeper glimpse into their life than asking them what they do.

By the way, Have you ever thought ? WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO DO ??

Thanks a lot SPARKLE !

2011-08-01T10:35:00.000+05:30

There are times that I sit and wonder what will become of life. Through good times and bad, Autumn leaves fall and a cool wind gusts by, I sit and thank you and how it changed my life. Everywhere that I go, there will be a memory that was constructed along the way, through a wonderful journey. Every song I listen to will remind me of you, and will remind me of how important you are. I will remember how great you are, and how much I realized.

I will know that you are better off without anyone, because on your own you will grow in your own way, and not in someone else's way. No one will know the things that were said when no one was around, or the way you looked at me from across the room. I'm glad that we've made things right, I just ask one thing from you.... Every time I say, Have fun, see you later, or goodbye... I really mean to wish the best for you & I will forever say it.

Thank you for everything you showed me, for letting me cry on your shoulder, for helping me out in my bad times, and for letting me part of your family.

Thanks a lot SPARKLE !

I dont mind being small..

2011-07-29T11:20:00.000+05:30

I read a line written by an european intellectual - "Humility is necessary to the enjoyment of anything."

And Yes !! i totally agree with the quote of this great unknown intellectual.

I need to make myself smaller than the object, moment, or person i am experiencing in order to truly soak it up. Otherwise, I will just trample it, like a galumphing elephant does a shrub, and move on in pursuit of the next big thing. Something about the picture of making myself small really got through to me and I've been thinking about it a lot. It takes a conscious effort sometimes, but I feel all the corners and cracks and enter into things more. It's so easy to feel entitled, you know? But when I'm small, I don't feel entitled. I don't mind being small. I am small. I feel awed. And alive. My feet dancing on the ground, mossy and heaving with life my arms outstretched and face to the sky,low, smooth, and strangely tangible..I laughed in exultation and hugged the nearest tree and thanked god for the strange, most glorious gift of life. I feel awed. And alive. Yes !! I don't mind being small..

Perhaps the secret to stayed and beautiful life is ' littleness ', watching God bring His swooping wing low – how exponentially magnified He becomes if we acknowledge our humble position. Yes !! I dont mind being small..I am small. I feel awed. And Alive.

A Gift !!

2011-07-26T17:57:00.000+05:30

Life's beautiful when it truly happens. The poetic irony. The better job that appears just when despair is thinking of leasing a room. That wonderful pet adopted when it just showed up after the loss of another. The unexpected opportunity, the surprise windfall, the fortuitous, the serendipitous. The fruit falls from the tree, ripe and ready. A gift.

And there you are again. After the disappointment, the discouragement, the adjustment--she enters. Beautiful, blissful, artistic, funny, loves what you love, prefers what you prefer, shares your interests, wakes you up in mornings, rings you unlimited times, texts you to track your every moment, interrogates you about your meal, gives you reminders for all your to do list items and finds she is the best in all forms and ways, teaches you that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and grief is the door and as long it is closed, it is the barrier between knowing and not knowing. walk away from it, it stays closed forever. but open it, walk through it, and the pain becomes truth...She is my aai. A gift.

Life proceeds apace, one day at a time, and we find hope lives, even knowing what could happen, but also knowing what could finally happen. People come and people leave. That elusive "one," that small subset of the population, grows in your land.

And so, not knowing, yet knowing, we truly Live...i truly Live..because of my aai. A gift.

Cup Of Goodness !!

2011-07-22T12:24:00.000+05:30

The whole idea of writing out my worst faults and thoughts about myself was to provide a foil for my goodness. I was going to write a list of all the things about me that are good and wonderful and, ultimately walk away celebrating who I am and where I am going.

Except this day, this week, this month, this year it seems I'm having a hard time saying those positive attributes about myself. Not that I'm dwelling on my negatives or don't realize my own goodness, just that speaking what I think is worthy about myself out loud suddenly makes me feel very self-conscious. And uncomfortable.

Ironic, of course, because I'm generally not a self-conscious person. In fact, I would say I tend towards brashness and overconfidence (again, to a fault), not modesty.

Or perhaps I'm learning that I don't need to speak my goodness out loud. I know those things. I don't need to hear them, I don't need to write them because I am them. I am the good as well as the bad. Everyone is, really. We have to have the bad with the good to make up the ying and the yang, the two sides of the coin, the comedy and the tragedy. I can't be one without the other. Together, they make me whole.

I've been thinking and writing down my list of failings over the last week. I realized, as I read and reread them, that many of these have been my failings for years. They are nothing new. And most of them probably aren't going to change much. I can turn over a new leaf, try harder to be a better person, give up my vices (and I try I will), but the reality is I am who I am. I've spent nearly 2 decades becoming this individual and it's unlikely that the next 3 decades is going to yield dramatic change to the basic person I am.

So where to from here? How do I reconcile my failings and faults, know they may not change, but continue to strive to be the person whom I wish to be, a person who is better/kinder/stronger/smarter than I am right now?

Perhaps I just do it. I be the better person, choose the harder path and hope that with each passing day, I'll grow, change, stretch into the human I know I am.

That's the start of the seven lives

2011-07-19T12:44:00.008+05:30

Traces, many faces..
Pushing the limits..
Distorted love..
Encounters with emotions..
Requiem for a dream..
Lost in the maze of time..
Blinded by the darkness..
That's the start of the seven lives

Silent Sadness..
Age of loneliness..
Knocking on forbidden doors..
Endless quest..
Principles of lust...
Your shining smile..
Temple of love..
Lost in the maze of time..
Blinded by the darkness..
That's the start of the seven lives

Rivers of belief...
Dunes of faith..
Mountains of desires...
Weightless hearts..
Torn pages of life...
Lost in the maze of time..
Blinded by the darkness..
That's the start of the seven lives

It's too close..
But still too far..
Following my inner guide..
Showing who am i..
In these seven lives

Take it easy - Its Just Deja Vu..
That's the start of the seven lives

I'm not ready to give in. I'm wrestling with Him....

2011-07-19T11:17:00.000+05:30

I am asking for your prayers..
God has been working on my heart to get me to do something, or at least to attempt to do something I just don't want to do. It's not life or death, but it's kind of multi-layered. And did I mention, I don't want to do it? Oh right, I just did.
He's been talking to me while I read His word. He's been talking to me while I do the laundry. He's been talking to me while I'm in church. He's been talking to me when I run. I'd really prefer it if I wasn't hearing Him so strongly. But God, my God, He's LOUD and CLEAR. I keep giving Him reasons why I don't think He's right, yeah, I've got that nerve. Yet...He won't shut up.

Boy, do I want Him to.

For about a month now He's been showing up too many places telling me to do the right thing. I think I've been intentional in doing the opposite just because I can't imagine listening to Him on this one.

He's right of course, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be right too. Except we're having completely opposite thoughts here, and only one of us can be right, and, you know, He's God. He wins.

Life doesn't always go the way we had hoped. We don't get a say in the choices of others, and we can't make people do things the way we think they should be done. We don't get to control death, loss, disease. We can't change the diagnosis that will rob our loved one of their memories. We just stand there helpless as we watch it happen.

And, that's what I do.

I watch helplessly as life goes much differently than I had planned.

I wrestle. I wonder. I ache.

I get angry.

I long for control.

Isn't that the root of all sin? My belief that my way is better than His? Isn't that what I am really thinking?

All the while, it is there.

The whispered, "Do you trust me?"

Faith is not something you have, it is something you do. Despite the wrestling, the ache, and the anger you trust; knowing that someday, it will all be redeemed.

Knowing that even though I cannot see it, it is being redeemed.

God is not idle.

I am not alone.

He is redeeming.

Do I trust Him?

But I'm not ready to give in. I'm wrestling with Him.

So, if you'd pray that I'd humble myself to Him, which will mean humbling myself to others. Which will mean no more complaining or gossipping, which will mean working at making peace, which will mean allowing myself to open to be slammed again...oh wait, that's me wrestling again--see, knowing that this will most likely hurt, quite a bit, makes me not want to do it.

Enough already, Shut up, me.

Will you just pray for me please? God knows what I'm writing about here. Knowing you are praying will hold me to being accountable to listen and do what He is telling me.

It NEVER works out that way.....

2011-07-01T10:47:00.000+05:30

Have you ever had the experience of praying for something and seeing, in your head, how it would work out? I do that all the time. But…you know what? It NEVER works out that way.

Or, how about this….you’re not sure what’s ahead, what’s around the next corner. You may be sensing that Life is calling you into a new adventure but you cannot possibly see how it will come to pass. Or, you may be facing a very difficult situation that is full of uncertainty. If only you could see what’s ahead, then you could trust it with whatever it is.

I used to fear these circumstances (sometimes I still do). I wanted to have more control, to be able to plan things out, to know what was coming next so I could better prepare. What I really wanted was for Life to answer my prayers my way. This kind of living caused me a great deal of anxiety. But then, slowly, Life began to change my perspective. I began to relax and truly trust that Life knew what was best. I didn’t need to know everything.

I have been on this journey long enough to know that Life always works it out. Not always in the way I want life to and never the way I think life will, but, none the less, life works it out.

Now, instead of fearing what’s around the next corner, I am looking for the surprise. I know Life loves me and that it will take care of me, even if it is in unexpected ways. So, instead of needing all the answers, I am able to live with the questions and anticipate the surprise, looking at it like a gift. It may not come when I expect it, be wrapped the way I think it should be or even be the gift I want…but it will always be the gift I need.

May your day be filled with “Life surprises”. May you not be fearful and anxious about what lies ahead but learn to be open and excited about the surprises Life has in store for you. Enjoy the gift; the gift of trusting Life with everything.

Priceless....

2011-06-09T12:40:00.000+05:30

Any large odd-sized cardboard box—the one from the new ‘fridge, washing machine, television, etc.—proposes a unique challenge. What to do? I faced this dilemma with the 4 x 4 inch x 6 foot box used for shipping fridge.

Some might try to crumple, fold, compact, and then attempt to force it into the recycling bin. Others might try to fit it into a burning barrel along with other trash. Still others might take out a box cutter and reduce it to a flat sheet—a solution that only perpetuates the issue. Does the box now go to the compactor? The barrel? The recycling bin?
My friend, an amateur mechanic, would probably save it to lie on while working on his back under the car.

I, however, fortuitously hit upon an elegant solution. After a brief attempt to extricate the fridge by lifting it out, I realised I’d have to open the bottom and pull the cardboard up. Once this was accomplished, and the fridge safety housed in the corner of kitchen, I considered what to do with the leftover shipping container. Then it hit me.
Cat toy. Two cats and a 4 x4 6 foot tunnel. Even better—a ping pong ball, two cats and a tunnel (one of my cats can follow the ball through the tunnel as fast as I can roll it. I pity the mouse that attracts THIS cat’s interest.).
Cue commercial music. A shiny new fridge—insert current cost. Expedited home delivery shipping—include average cost. A cardboard box for two cats? Priceless.
Until they decide they’d rather sit on it.

I pick it up...put it down !!!

2011-06-05T20:30:00.000+05:30

Every time I sit down to write, to exorcise myself from stress, draw a picture write a freaking word -- I just can't

The notebook closes.
The window closes.
The breath closes.

Pen down.

I'm doing good work with my fate.I don't want to say that "I'm getting close to something," because that doesn't seem to be the way this will work. Some of it is peeling layers, but mostly it seems to be taking bites out of things. Banging my shin into the chair and trying to figure out what will help to heal it.

Or maybe it's just a matter talking with someone in a different way. Open to some things, challenging others. Cracking the door open to see how blinding the light is. Or how bitterly cold.

How long can I go on with the metaphors?

I just deleted a bunch of crap post about guilt and grief. It's all been said before. by me. A different context this time, but still. just displacement, I think.

I have been eating constantly for the last 3 or 4 weeks. Or crying or angry. All the regular stuff, I know. Time of year, sick dog, and what-not.

Surely I am stuffing down some kind of feelings I am not ready to feel. I've picked up all kinds of tools and media to exorcise it from my body.

I pick it up. Put it down.

Not yet.

To let go is....

2011-05-03T11:27:00.000+05:30

To Let Go Takes Love

To let go does not mean to stop caring
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is not to cut myself off,
it is the realization I can't control others.

To let go is not to try to change and blame another,
it is to make the most of myself.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to be protective,
it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to be in the middle of arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less,
and to love more.

Self Healing..if you can do!

2011-04-30T11:20:00.000+05:30

I've been over-riding that body wisdom again for awhile. Body says, take a break from the coffee. Brain says, COFFEEEEEE. Body says, run some miles so I can SWEAT. Brain says, stay right here curled up on the couch, there's homework to do. And 'round and 'round they go. So,

I'm writing about it as an act of intention, and putting it out there. I'm going to follow the body wisdom for awhile, put the over-ride function "to pasture" as my Grandfather would say, and get right inside. One of my friend has blazed the trail this week, inspiring me to do the same.I have a book on Ayurveda that I was reading last night to help my momentum of heeding the body's call. For a chuckle and a little inspiration, check yourself:

Suggestions for a creative, healthy life

Routine

Ayurveda - Awaken before sunrise
Me - when will i sleep then :-(

Ayurveda - Evacuate bowels and bladder after awakening
Me - Everyone do that so m i..i don't lay golden eggs out of it

Ayurveda - Bathe every day to create a sense of bodily freshness
Me - what do you think, i don't bathe at all ??

Ayurveda - Twelve pranayamas in the morning or evening create freshness of mind and body
Me - :-|

Ayurveda - Do not take breakfast after 8:00am
Me - then what shall i take after 8:00am ?

Ayurveda - Wash hands before and after eating
Me - Oh ! i never wash hands after eating, i nurture my hair with them

Ayurveda - Brush teeth after meals
Me - what is case of 15 small meals a day ?

Ayurveda - Fifteen minutes after meals take a short walk
Me - burrrrrp !

Ayurveda - Eat in silence with awareness of food.
Me - :-X

Ayurveda - Eat slowly.
Me - Ok! i will keep a stop watch next time.

Ayurveda - Each day massage the gums with the finger and sesame oil
Me - Chewing Gum will work ?

Ayurveda - Fast one day a week to help reduce toxins in the body
Me - I don't believe in starvation.

Ayurveda - Sleep before 10:00pm
Me - he he he he ! what a joke !

from Ayurveda: The Science of Self-Healing by Dr. Vasant Lad

I'm afraid ....of myself !!

2011-04-29T11:32:00.000+05:30

What are you afraid of?

Getting shot. Never getting rid of my insecurities. Never becoming successful. Never becoming rich.

What are you afraid of?

Letting people know what i'm afraid of. Really letting them get into my head. My soul. Knowing me.

What are you afraid of?

Always being afraid. Never becoming un-crippled.

What are you afraid of?

Remaining positive to the point of delusion. Becoming negative to the point of not being able to recognize what's positive anymore.

What are you afraid of?

Floating. Constantly floating with no anchor. Fleeting moments of happiness punctuating a wall of perpetual sadness.

What are you afraid of?

......yourself ??

You cannot find the end, no matter how you try..

2011-04-28T11:07:00.000+05:30

It's an unfinished life that I find lies before me
An open-ended dream and I don't want to wake
I've crossed so many rivers in search of crystal fountains
I've found the truest paths always lead through mountains
I've seen water on the sky, and fire burning on the lake.

You said to me, "I cannot make you happy.
Like a wounded bird, you must find the strength to fly.
Time can paint the treetops with colors of the rainbow
But you cannot find the end, no matter how you try."

It's a journey with my soul that I am taking.
One that only goes from the cradle to the grave.
Going 'round in circles like painted dancing horses
Up and down we ride on the wooden courses.
And light from a lover's eyes is all that I can save.

You said to me, "I cannot make you happy.
Like a wounded bird, you must find the strength to fly.
Time can paint the treetops with colors of the rainbow
But you cannot find the end, no matter how you try."

So I’ll take the day and run out across the open fields
Where the grass grows high and the shadows fall
Where my eyes can see all the colors in the air
So quiet that the wind whistles in my hair
And takes the rising dust and carries it away.

You said to me, "I cannot make you happy.
Like a wounded bird, you must find the strength to fly.
Time can paint the treetops with colors of the rainbow
But you cannot find the end, no matter how you try.

Thoughts To Share..

2011-04-26T12:40:00.000+05:30

I can't believe that almost a month has slipped by without doing much productive. Goes to prove how much free time I schedule. Or how much brain activity is left at the end of the day.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I took a critical thinking math class in college and one of our first assignments was to write a paper on "thinking." It was a broad topic and didn't really have an outline. We just went at it. Whatever we wanted to write and research about thinking found its way into that assignment. I'm a thinker. Not always in a positive way, and it leads me to over analyze situations (which I then further analyze) at times. And one time when we were little my best friend got upset with me and told me that I think too much. I still haven't forgotten that one. Still wonder if I think too much.

I have waaaay to many thoughts to sit down and share, so here's a little glimpse of what's been consuming my thought life of recent:

About...

...pretentious people.
...quiet times in the morning.
...harboring bitterness in my heart.
...self-control.
...aai.
...putting off sin and putting on righteousness.
...thankfulness for the good people in my life.
...what it truly means to be a good human being.
...Africa.
...this temporal life.
...finances and money.
...health.
...time management.
...priorities.
...speaking only half-truths.
...balance in professional and casual business relationships.
...bugs (yes, insects. They're so cool).
...banglore.
...my room partner's wedding.
...personal acts of worship.
...submitting to God's will, practically.
...submitting to authority, even when I don't agree.
...undermining, subliminal effects of our government.
...giving up coffee, even though I only drink decaf.
...whether or not to give up running after the next race.
...how thankful I am to not be a kindergarten teacher.
...contentment.
...sonu ( my pet dog who is resting in peace now )
...how to make life more simple.
...ustad sujaat khan sahab and his dedication for sitar.
...what really matters.
...how fearfully and wonderfully we have been created.
...all the craft ideas that are in my brain.
...what to name my design label.
...certain friends from my past.
...why I care so much about aesthetics and the way things look.
...why I am intimidated by a certain administrator.
...making friendships significant and intentional.
...heaven.
...how to get away from the noise in pune to have a decent quiet time.
...using resources wisely.
...learning to speak Spanish more effectively.
...Turkey.
...what I really desire.
...what God is calling me to right here and right now.
...how incredible my parents are.
...how incredible are other parents too..
...all the knowledge around me and how to best take advantage of it.
...Hebrews.
...waking up early tomorrow for the sake of class.
...how abnormality creates more room to direct others toward supreme power.

...among a host of other things.

Come Back Please..

2011-04-24T20:29:00.000+05:30

Melly come back.
I want you back.
Why did you have to go.
It's just not the same without you.
Nothing is fine, I am left all alone.
It makes me sad every time i think about you.
Stella is always crying.
She's always yelling too.
She makes me cry too a lot but not as much as you.
I'm always thinking about you.
Your always making me teary-eyed.
I miss you melly why did you have to go.
I miss you a lot but you obviously don't know.
Otherwise you wouldn't have had to go.
God makes me mad because he took you away.
It's hard not to cry when i miss you but i do it anyway.
Every time I'm all alone and i have time to think.
I think about you and i cry and cry and cry.
Some people think "oh you should be over this"
But then i think to myself you don't know how it feels to be in this pain
or to how hard it is to make it go away.
People around me try to help me but they don't help at all.
My head hurts all the time, especially when I'm about to cry.
Its hard to type down these words as tears blur up my eyes.
When i try to speak about you i choke and then i start to cry
I miss you melly why did you have to go.

Please please please come back..I am all alone here, without you.
Or just take me with you !

Want to live life the way i wanted to...

2011-04-24T17:15:00.000+05:30

Things I have done in my life so far..

* Been the good student
* Rebelled against parents
* wished for vengeance
* Ratted out cheaters
* Been a hypocrite
* Read fewer books than wanted
* Fought over silly things
* Loved more than life
* Cried more than worth
* Done more than possible
* Worked harder than needed
* Patronized where not needed
* Helped those who wanted
* Listened and judged at times
* Wronged and righted it out
* Accepted defeat and moved along
* Taken for granted
* Left alone in my bad times

Things I want to do...
is to live my life the way i wanted to...

I am surrounded...

2011-04-24T09:50:00.000+05:30

By pinned up photos of familiar, favorite smiles
A few quotes to keep me inspired
Dusty Desktop
Bright colors
Post It notes
Dirty coffee mugs
Scattered intentions & shattered hopes
Lost Souls & confused minds
Distractions & Failures
High Expectations getting failed
Dreams that won't quit & won't fulfill
Memories that kill
Wishful thinking
Numbered days that keep ticking by...

My anger

2011-04-24T08:57:00.000+05:30

Anger is a dangerous emotion. It can stay bubbling under the surface, threatening to burst out. It can be so overwhelming that you literally go insane from the feeling. I've been so angry sometimes that I felt like i would explode. But i don't think anger is a dangerous emotion because it makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. Lots of emotions do that. It's the fact that sometimes it stays buried so deep that you don't even know it's there. And then one day, it springs up on you.

I've been shocked by my anger many times. That buried anger seems to me the start of psychopath behavior. When you smile and look calm on the outside but you're really sharpening knives in your mind. You can't bring it up, because you're probably angry about an incident that has passed. Something you should be 'over'. So you live with it, pretend it doesn't exist. Live with it in the hope that it would dissapear.

But what if it doesn't? What happens when you explode?

Because there's a bigger aim ....

2011-04-22T11:24:00.000+05:30

Patience is the first step on the path of wisdom. Patience is the only step on that path. The ability to stop when you're angry and not react off that emotion. The ability to assume there's another side to the story. The ability to just wait until a viable solution to a problem comes up. Patience. I don't have it. At all. I am very very impatient. Sometimes I get so angry, my hands shake...I feel like I can see the anger. The literal red anger cloud in front of my eyes and I yell so loudly and cry and react. I feel like I HAVE to react.

I'm an eternal pessimist. Instead of projecting good and positive, I spend time imagining how bad anything can go and how painful it would be.

I want to be patient. But how? Lately i feel like i'am a little more patient. I feel like I want to say something, but I hold it off till it doesn't seem quite so important to say it anymore. My tongue must be filled with the scars of biting my tongue.My chest dark from all the negative emotion I've been suppressing. But it's ok because there's a bigger aim here.

Wisdom.

Change is good, Change is necessary !!

2011-04-21T18:49:00.000+05:30

The problem with changing yourself or elements of yourself to suit someone else is that you're always left with a nagging feeling of dissatisfaction. There's also the tendency to think you can do more, change more, be more tolerant- if you've already changed a little, it's hard to start drawing the line for when it crosses into a lot.

Don't get me wrong: Change is good, Change is necessary, it's human, life. It has to happen and we should all try to change for the better. However, change always has to be for you. Once you start changing for anything other than the fact that YOU want to change, it becomes hard to remember what your principles are... the elements of yourself that make you look into the mirror everyday.

Often people tell me i'm complicated. Hard to read or understand. My best friend the other day said 'you're odd'. I'm socially awkward and toe the line between being too honest (aka, kinda rude) to being very tactful (aka fake laughter, uninterested agreement). I often feel like I have to go one step forward to present myself in a way that is more relatable, less hard to reach. I want to present myself as a plated meal instead of one that you have to put into the microwave, and definitely not one where you actually have to put the ingredients together and cook.

But the truth is, I AM ingredients. The beauty of that is that loads of people can put it together and end up with different results and what's more fascinating than that? Why do i constantly find myself trying to figure out what combination works best for what person. What part of myself to take out, what part to put more of? Does this pressure even come from outside or is it some internal pressure i'm going to have to live with forever? Am i going to spend my life darting between trying too hard- changing too much, or not trying at all?

On some days, to some people...I don't even know if the part i'm playing resembles me at all.

Fish Head & Flowers !

2011-04-19T11:30:00.000+05:30

I am depressed. And its really sucks..

Right now I feel like I could sleep forever.

I am mollified to know that the past couple of weeks of feverish stomach infection days have an explanation.

Fish Heads: To the doctor who diagnosed me in 5.8 seconds with stomach infection on call only... without doing a test, and got me to take antibiotics (which I found out later I am allergic to...).

Flowers: To the nice doctor who asked me to get certain tests done, and discovered that I actually having food poisoning.

Fish Heads: To the cars that don't slow down whilst driving through puddles. I like taking showers, just not from the spray of your speeding vehicle.

Flowers: To the tentative arrival of spring.

Fish Heads: To all those people in my life who are so selfish that they don't give damn to anyone's good work or mine.

Flowers: To the my dear ones who brings me chocolates, good food and lots of happiness.

Fish Heads: To the people who think i am useless, who think i am an experimental monkey and try to put their idiot ideas in my veins and expect me to functional absolutely like a new car engine.

Flowers: To the compassionate coworkers who care about my well-being and force me to go to the clinic when I have a hideous looking rash.

Fish Heads: To the pathetic people with double faces

Flowers: To the empathetic family who loves me even though they forgot to tell me that I have bad time right now as per their astrologer ( although i don't believe in astrology )

Fish Heads: To all those self pro-claimed gurus who think they are the best and their ideas rule the world.

Flowers: To my grocery keeper who advised me to drink herbal tea in morning for keeping better mood and appetize

Fish Heads: To all those people who always rely on wrong person and close their eyes on better ones.

Flowers: To having a weekend off to sleep and read, and reflect on the beauty and joy in life

Why ?? and i know his answers !

2011-04-18T15:07:00.000+05:30

I guess everyone knows the feeling of having planned things and then suddenly, something comes up and everything crashes down.

it's saddening. disappointing. it's like a dream,or a nightmare, that you'd want to escape and wake up from.

You have that feeling of wanting to go back to the time when everything was still set.... you just wanna hold on. but you can't. maybe i just can't. maybe it's not just meant to be. or what.

These are the times when confusion strikes. cliche. these are the times when you literally don't know what to do and you can't do anything but hope for the best.

I ask God why. and i know that His answers...and plans... are far more perfect than the ones i have set for myself. sometimes i ask, why let me taste the cheese? when He knows that frail as i am, i have indulged and thrown myself into it completely... and then pull the cheese away? but of course, God is good because He chose me to have the cheese even for a while.

Cheese is not really a good term. i am not a mouse to be exact or the term "cheese" underlies what could have been.

I am really baffled right now by the situation. but maybe this is not so bad after all. maybe i am really meant to stay here. or not. i don't know. maybe it is still too early to think about these things. maybe there are still other ways. God, what do You plan for me? i know that is great and i am excited for that. please let me understand. please.

Yes i am baffled. but i am not worried. i am sad but i am not in despair..

Things will change and my course of direction can also change. but i know that God is with me and He will direct me.

I am fortunate to had taste of good life and to have that momentary period when i thought i can change everything in an instant. but maybe God is waking me up, waking everyone up... that after all, He is still the one in control. He is still the one who knows what's best. God is good and never will He forsake anyone.

Yes my plans are not happening as what i have thought of them to be. but maybe a little chaos can beautify things. What do i want? what is essential? God, i know You have plans. i trust You. that is why i will let You decide.

God please enlighten me..

Kafi Bulleh Shah - Allan Fakir

2011-04-16T15:44:00.000+05:30

I just needed someone to talk to...

2011-04-16T11:59:00.000+05:30

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
the thought is too
Much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
Everyone is just too busy with themselves
No one is there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm tired and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you all
When all this I was going through
No one ever took the time to ask me
Just what you could do

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
Everyone is just too busy with themselves
No one is there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm tired and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

There for me...

2011-04-15T11:58:00.000+05:30

I woke up this morning with an enormous urge to read some small poems from " Short Poems Of Sarah & Jones " inspite of my hustle bustle i managed to read one very sweet and touching poem..I would like to share it with you all...

There for me...

There for me, every time I've been away
Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday
Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say
Will you be there for me?
Just think of you and me, we could never tow the line
It's such a mystery just to hear you say you're mine
And while you're close to me, so close to me
Just hold me

When you're feeling cold and all the city streets are grey
Walking all alone and watching how the children play
Voices in the wind and faces from the past go dancing by
They're asking why

Will you be there for me, everytime I go away
Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday
Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say
Will you be there for me?

And while you're close to me, so close to me
Just hold me

Can you really want me more than for a little while?
What are the stories hiding there behind your smile?
Wishes in a dream and figures in a world that I could share
And everywhere

Will you be there for me
Will there ever come a day when all the world can see
Things were meant to be that way
Will you be there for me?
Can you hear the people say
That you're just
There for me
There for me

Important Teacher....

2011-04-13T11:38:00.000+05:30

I think of myself as someone who does relationships fairly well. I share deep, caring relationships with my friends and family. I have a wide circle of Tribe.

I have one area of weakness though, and that is with people who lack the conventional sense of boundaries. Rrrrrr. Boundary issues. It is a life-long lesson.

Usually it's fine. People act in an appropriate way. Relationships are respectful, feeding both parties the goodness that friendship should provide. Once in awhile, I get into a friendship with someone who soaks up alllll that I give, and is left wanting....and chastises me for it....AND, slow to come to any concrete conclusions about this, I only recognize what's going on when I find myself exhausted, frustrated, hurt, and my give tank is on empty.

Unfortunately, it's happening with someone right now. I need to establish some rules of the game for my own mental health. I hate when this is necessary, but it is something I need to practice so.....bring it. And may I learn this lesson. I want to learn how to walk around with my boundaries in-tact and be quick to recognize when they've been crossed, and to have the words, right then and there to rectify the situation. It's the second and third piece of that which I need to practice. Wisdom and grace come with time and experience.

And so it is that (not for the first time in my life) I come to realize that this person who is causing me grief, has guided me straight to an area of weakness in myself, and is thus an important teacher.

Let me off this thing "

2011-04-11T11:29:00.000+05:30

When I was little, I loved that kite flying feeling, the g-force playfully pulling, the exquisite dizziness afterwards of the merry-go-round. The only time I didn't like it was when I suddenly wanted off. Those few moments of having to wait for things to slow down and stop were...well, not so fun.

These days I am on a metaphorical crazy round round and I'm having that "let me off this thing" feeling. I'd rather be sitting with my feet dangling off and pushing myself ever so softly along, nice and slow. Instead, the deadlines stand alongside me, pushing me faster and faster, my eyeballs are beginning to knock together. Financial aid application + taxes, mock up exam sheets, and my appointments with doctor are all due in the early part of this week, and like a test of strength, I'm in an emotional pain and all I wanna do is curl up in a ball. So after having couple of antibiotics, I've managed to finish my financial aid app, and get a pencil draft of the taxes done. The research paper I have yet to write stands as the last merry-go-round pusher. As soon as my mock up exam sheets are written, I can move at my own speed again...slow. mindful.

I've been in a discernment process about another possible full-time job opportunity the past few days and...at the moment, it feels like taking a full-time job (in night) would be like getting on a permanent crazy round round. There is such richness on my road less traveled, this odd assortment of jobs: work, care giving to my elder, being everyone's handy-man, and a shellfisherman's sidekick when that time comes. I'm not totally decided though. There are pros and cons on either side. But, I have a paper to write....I'll think about the rest later.

Thanks for sharing your precious time here. Blessings to the ride, the road, the upcoming unfolding week...and to the discernment and decisions we all make about our lives, creating peace or adventure or both.

I am tired..

2011-04-10T17:50:00.000+05:30

Im tired from all the idiot delieveries...
Im tired of all the drama going about...
Im tired of the boycotting in the family...
Im tired of the superficial people around me...
Im tired of the hypocrisy...
Im tired of all the responsibilities that i have to carry on my shoulders...
Im tired of all the lies i have to make...
Im tired of all the lies i have to endure...
Im tired of all the tears that shed everytime you walk by...
Im tired of the necessary indulgence i have over food...
Im tired of my binge spending till im broke...
Im tired of my constant cravings for happy life...
Im tired of going to doctors...
Im tired of being depressed atleast 2 times daily...
Im tired of my irritable bowel movement...
Im tired of making curry in the toilet...
Im tired of the unprocessed food that comes out with it...
Im tired of the boring tv shows on television...
Im tired of silly cats near my house....
Im tired of my childishness...
Im tired of being self-centered...
Im tired of the pain i have to go through every single day...
Im tired of living with hope that everything will be ok...
Im tired of living everyday having minimal financial support...
Im tired of being clumsy and bumps around...
Im tired of hurting myself unnecessarily...
Im tired of my black knees...
Im tired of my silly wedges...
Im tired of my wardrobe...
Im tired of my moronic laptop that is underrammed...
Im tired of all the hardworking folks around me...
Im tired of the intimidation...
Im tired of the pressure and stress...
Im tired of the nerdy lives around me...
Im tired of everything around me.

Hurry up please, it’s time...

2011-04-08T10:54:00.000+05:30

Depression sneaks up, its stealth apparent only long after its origins.

And one day, though “This isn’t like me!” you’ll lament, nothing seems to have a point. Terminally blocked at work, certain to win more criticism than credit, as that’s just how people think. Relationships are only possible with baggage, primarily women more afraid their coupling WILL work than not, running whenever things look good. Work and chores pile up, far more to do than humanly possible, and it all just gets worse. And then one day, your doctor wonders if you need some pharmacological help.

“April is the cruelest month,” breeding lilacs and tulips out of the dead ground, mixing memory and desire. That "stony rubbish," bleak and desolate as it may be, took time to prepare. How did it happen? When did it start?

“Hurry up please, it’s time.”

Relentless milkman up the stairs

2011-04-06T11:04:00.000+05:30

He had thought the studio would keep itself;
no dust upon the furniture of love.
Half heresy, to wish the taps less vocal,
the panes relieved of grime.
A plate of pears, a piano with a Persian shawl, a cat
stalking the picturesque amusing mouse
had risen at his urging.
Not that at five each separate stair would writhe
under the milkman's tramp; that morning light
so coldly would delineate the scraps
of last night's cheese and three sepulchral bottles;
that on the kitchen shelf among the saucers
a pair of beetle-eyes would fix his own---
envoy from some village in the moldings . . .
Meanwhile, she, with a yawn,
sounded a dozen notes upon the keyboard,
declared it out of tune, shrugged at the mirror,
rubbed her neck, went out for cigarettes;
while he, jeered by the minor demons,
pulled back the sheets and made the bed and found
a towel to dust the table-top,
and let the coffee-pot boil over on the stove.
By evening he was back in love again,
though not so wholly but throughout the night
he woke sometimes to feel the daylight coming
like a relentless milkman up the stairs.

Yours is the Earth

2011-04-04T20:46:00.000+05:30

Life has a lot of "choose this or that" options, and sometimes we don't get it right. When we don't know which option to choose, or we doubt that we'll make the wise and prudent choice, often we seek counsel of those wiser and more experienced than ourselves. I'm so thankful for the giants in my life who provide advice, (sought or not at times!) and while in the end the choices are mine to make and outworkings of decisions mine to live with, I've more of a blessed life due to the trusted people in it.

Couple of weeks ago though I read this poem, IF, by Rudyard Kipling. I've loved it ever since and in some ways have to admit it's been a bit of a compass point with how I handle situations - I'm not a man, but I am a human and seek to be a better one.

IF.....

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Fill In The Blank Saturday....

2011-04-02T11:26:00.000+05:30

Its Saturday ??

1. My most prized possession is...this is a hard one because I'm a sentimental fool. But, really, my music is my most prized possession. That little piece of creativity feeds my creative soul.

2. If I could be one age for the rest of my life, I would want to be...26. Y'all my 26's were GREAT! I was happier than I have ever been, healthier than I have ever been, more content then I have ever been. Life was pretty dang good that time.

3. The best way to spend a weekend is...sleeping in, having a cup of coffee or two, lazing around the house until I decide to get dressed..just to spend the rest of the day outside in the sunshine reading a good book.

4. My outlook on life is...life is the decisions that you make. Bad things happen, good things happen, unexpected things happen...it's all about how you decide to handle things that make your life what it is.

5. If you want to annoy me, just...complain about how tough you have it...when I'm having to do the exact same thing.

6. I am completely defenseless when it comes to...shoes. I love them..but sometimes they don't love me back (i.e. the puma shoes I bought couple of months back blistered my feet after I wore them to walk till my office)

7. When dressing for the day one should...feel comfortable,look good, and add some personal flare.

8. Serve me espresso and i will be happy..

9. Interrogations ..i hate it..i never interrogate you..better dont interrogate me too

10. My priorities never change, i dont know about yours...

Realization

2011-03-31T11:37:00.000+05:30

I am a swirling mass of emotions right now-nothing new, right? I am hurt, overjoyed, nervous, tired, sad, scared. I realize that now everything changes. Life kicks into gear-the good times are coming to an end. And yet there will always be that element which does not falter-the piece that has no connection.

It is through that element that I find myself at a loss tonight. On one hand, I am so thankful for the ways in which God has been working in my life. On the other hand, I don't know what to do for the bulk of it. Sometimes, all I can do is listen and offer prayer-I am genuinely pathetic. What am I doing? What am I not doing?-perhaps that is a better question.

Don't let the title fool you-this may have begun as a pity blog, but it is not that now. Through this process of writing and reflection, I have come to a place where I realize the idiocy of it all. If I am doing this for me, of course I will base the results on how it affects me. It begs the question, 'Why did I do it?' I think I am still trying to figure that out exactly, but I am certainly tired of living for myself. I am also tired of living for those who only serve to bleed me dry for their own purpose. Don't confuse this with those who need to be poured into-completely different spectra. Anyway, this is probably sounding like a broken record to most of you-the same old story told with a different pitch. Maybe you're right; but I think each time this comes around I have a new perspective and a deeper knowledge and understanding. There again, maybe not. Perhaps I am doomed to deal with similar problems all of my life-much like an endless waltz, the three beats of turmoil (war), peace, and change (revolution) going on into eternity.

And as I sit here philosophizing, I am reminded of a friend's blog in which he addressed the problem of our society and the fact that we spend too much time talking and reflecting (this is not an attack, merely a means of dialogue) and how it deadens our passion. We spend all of our time talking about doing good, and not actually doing the good we discuss.

I agree that we are not doing enough, but I am not sure the best means of correcting the situation. I can honestly say, I have a desire to help and give of myself. However, I have come to realize that my 'helping' can cause just as much harm as it can benefit.

So what should I do? Sit around and wait until all the elements are perfect and guaranteed success? μὴ γένοιτο!-loosely translated, 'No way!' If I wait around for that, I will never see it-I would be like the servant in Luke 19 who is given a mina but rather than do anything with it, he simply hides it in a handkerchief. Life has a lot for me to do and I need to be willing to step up and do that work. But I am not going to stop thinking-it is just such a big part of my nature, I rarely act without thinking.

All I can do is be faithful in the work Life has for me and realize that I have a role to play, but I do not have top billing.

"Well Done.......

2011-03-29T22:29:00.001+05:30

Yesterday was a beautiful day, and I was SO happy-it was 32 degrees outside, I spent the morning/early afternoon at office, and was able to stop at store to pick up a few things before heading home to relax for the evening.

While I was at store I thought I recognized someone I know, but within seconds the realization hit me: that was completely impossible. That person had gone home to be with the Lord some time ago.

This has been happening quite often-the losses catch up with me. For a second, shock comes over me-as if I were hearing the death announced for the first time, then an overwhelming sense of sadness, and perhaps a few tears. I don't know-maybe I'm just slow at dealing with things like death.

I'm reminded that life is short. Today might be my last day as a vessel of God's love, of His Truth, to this lost & dying world. If not mine, somebody else's-that's for SURE. And I've been asking myself things like "would you be satisfied with how you have lived if today is your last day?" and "Of the things that happen today, what is going to matter in eternity?"

Those are tough questions. But asking them has helped me to choose my battles. Are the little annoyances going to matter in eternity? oh, they aren't?...but my reaction to them might? Then I won't let them get to me. When I am before the judgement seat, will He be more pleased if I have stood in judgement of others, or if I have gently come alongside them to point them to Truth? Is what he/she thought or said about me going to have any impact at all on God's (Omniscient, by the way) point of view? No. Then I won't be bothered by them.

There is a way of life that is clearly better. I'm trying to live it, so that when my time is up, I might hear the words "Well done." from the only few people whose opinions are valuable to me.

No matter where raft or feet might go....

2011-03-28T11:56:00.001+05:30

Starting to put pieces together
along the bank I walk
I must
swim I could
but sail I must
wandering over to this scrap and the next
picking them up and carefully
oh so carefully
adding them to the rest

I take out from my jacket pocket
dazzling white
my sail
which sewn with threads of thoughts
and a sheet of dreams (not yet written on)

and here with scraps of my soon past
and my always never reached future
I head out again on the mighty sea of change

sailing into the vast,
but never lost
for above my head unchanging (no matter where my pillow be)
are the heavens
they guide me
the moon
it pulls me
the sun
it warms me
and the sea breeze...
whispers sweets into my ear

no matter where raft or feet might go

Thoughts...

2011-03-28T11:48:00.000+05:30

* fall, not spring, is the beginning of my year
* seeds, bulbs... growing
* taking another step towards being whom I am meant to be... think: walking deeper into light
* moves, change, choice
* hurt, pain, suffering, hiding- giving up vs. fighting to the death
* this world is WAY bigger then me
* love, romance, adventure, trust
* understanding not just hearing, and learning to listen for whats not said
* friends, dear friends, best friends, being a friend
* acting in love through fear not because of fear

Lives Apart....

2011-03-27T21:48:00.000+05:30

2011-03-27T14:41:00.000+05:30

Hi everyone..

Just dropping by to say hello.
I am not dead yet..not a good news for some people.
Just feel dampened to share.
Sometimes my voice tends to be silenced.
As others think this blog belongs to them too.
I don't have much positive things to share recently.
Mostly rants and pent up emotions..
I may choose to pen it down elsewhere. But no!
How unfortunate.
My blog but not purely my voice.
Hope one day people would stop asking me.
Why I write what I write.
Or whether I am writing about anyone in particular.
Stop.
Only I matter in this space.
Cause this is my space.
I write here.
Let me write in peace.
This blog needs to transform.
And from now...
I really will not bother to censor my thoughts anymore.
Let me be.
I just love being me.
You should too.
We are the best thing God has ever created.
Not just iPad.

Serenity

2011-03-26T11:27:00.000+05:30

Not to belabor the point, but I find myself whispering this to myself daily, practically hourly, as things continue to fall apart.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

I struggle to find balance in my nature; I am happy and content by design and it is so at odds with our circumstances...with my life. I find myself awaking each morning, tired and exhausted, yes, but still hopeful, happy. Only to get knocked down by each new wave in this sea of anxiety and dread that finds a way to keep filling my days even as I struggle to push it out. If you have ever been in the ocean you know that pushing against the waves is futile. It is like the wave that (literally) swept me off my feet and underneath a few weeks ago. Just as I thought I had found my balance another, stronger, wave came up behind it and turned me upside down, throwing me into the hard, scratchy sand littered with pebbles and jagged rocks. The wave that stole my happiness and threatened to steal my life too.

I struggle, too, with that feeling of wanting to control everything, to fix it somehow and make it better. To make people be and act the way I would have it. That, of course, is a futile effort. I find myself talking about futility and wasted energy a lot these days. Because, of course, as I have had to learn over and over in my life, the only control you ever have is over your own reactions to things, people, events. To spend time worrying, agonizing, fighting what is is wasting your own limited energy. But the feelings persist. They are there moments after I awake and threaten the peace that I found overnight.

And then, as the prayer says, there are the things I can change. I can change my own angst, my own despair. But, oh, after that initial optimistic waking, it can be so hard to regain my footing. That bigger, stronger wave always seems to be lurking, waiting to knock me down.

So, I pray. This simple prayer that reminds me that I can't control much, can't change much, and it is hopelessly exhausting to try. Instead, I need to accept things as they are, examine and adjust my own attitude and responses to situations and other people. To find peace in being, whatever is. To make sure that I am true to myself, to my own nature. To change the things that I can change, and find peace with the things that I can't.

You will come back again...

2011-03-25T20:09:00.000+05:30

I’m stock in the place where you left me

And still I’m standing here waiting for you to come back

I can’t move on from this spot

`Coz I’m hoping that someday you’ll come back again

I tried to go forward sometimes

But I always end up with this place where you left me

Knowing that one day you’ll come back and vl be with me again

But I guess I’m too stupid to think it that way

I never want to expect anymore

That you will hold my hand the way you always do

I want to stop from dreaming

That someday you’ll come back again into my life

But no matter what I do

My heart desire’s is always you

And I know this time that I am really stupid

For no matter what happen I will always be here waiting for you to come
back...

Melly please come back soon....

Mann lago yaar fakiri main...

2011-03-25T15:45:00.000+05:30

mann lago yaar fakiri mein -
kabhi rari sindoor - urr kajar diya na jaay
nainan pritam ram raha -
duja kaha samaay
preet jo laagi laagi
preet jo laagi
bhul gayi pith gayi manmaay
preet jo laagi
bhul gayi pith gayi manmaahi
room room piyu piyu kahe
mukh ki sirdha naay
mann laago yaar fakiri mein
bura bhala sab ko sun lejo -
kar gujraan garibi mein
mann laago yaar fakiri mein

sati bichari satkiya kaaton sej bichaay
le soti piya aapna chaun dis agan laagay
guru govind do khade - kaake laagu paay
panhaari guru aapne govind diyu banaay
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

mera mujhmein kutch nahi nahi
mera mera mujhmein kutch nahi kutch nahi
mera mujhmein kutch nahi nahi
mera mujhmein kutch nahi
jo kutch hai so tera
tera tujhko saup de kya laage hai mera
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

aakhir yeh tan khaakh milega -
kyun phirta magroori mein
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

likha likhi ki hai nahi -
dekha dekhi baat
dulha dulhan mil gaye phiki padi baraat
jab jab naata jagat ka tab bhakti na hooy
naata tode har wajah -
bhagat kaha ve hooy
hag has jaaye har koi an haas jaay na koi -
hag an had ke bitch mein raha kabira khooy
maala kahe hai kaanch ki tu kyu chhede mohe
maala maala kahe hai kaanch ki kanch ki maala maala
maala kahe hai kaanch ki tu kyun chhede hai mohe
mann ka mann ka khek de (suturk mila du sooy) -
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

kahe kabir sun o bhai saadhu -
saahib mile saroori mein
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

Kyon yeh kehte ho ke tera kya hai

2011-03-25T15:23:00.000+05:30

Aah-e-Tehkeek mein har gam pe uljhan dekhoon
Wohi haalat-o-khayalat mein an ban dekhoon
Ban ke reh jaata hoon tasweer pareshani ki
Ghaur se jab bhi kabhi duniya ka darpan dekhoon
Ek hi khaak pe fitrat ke tazaadat itnay
Kitnay hisson mein bata ek hi aangan dekhoon
Kahin zehmat ki sulagti hui patjhar ka samaan
Kahin rehmat ke baraste huay sawan dekhoon
Kahin phunkaarte darya, kahin khamosh pahaar
Kahin jangal, kahin sehra, kahin gulshan dekhoon
Khun rulata hai yeh takseem ka andaaz mujhe
Koi dhanwaan yehan par koi nirdhan dekhoon
Din ke haathon mein faqat ek sulagta sooraj
Raat ki maang sitaron se muzzayyan dekhoon
Kahin murjhaaye huay phool hain sacchai ke
Aur kahin jhoot ke kaanton pe bhi joban dekhoon
Shams ki kaal kahin khichti nazar aati hai
Kahin sarmad ki uttarti hui gardan dekhoon
Raat kya shai hai saweera kya hai
Yeh ujala yeh andhera kya hai
Mein bhi nayib hun tumhara akhir
Kyon yeh kehte ho ke tera kya hai

DEFINE... religion

2011-03-24T15:44:00.000+05:30

All in all, I'm glad that I gave it all up. As much as I miss my once friend, it isn't worth it to stick to something for someone else. So many people judge you for the choices that you make in life, but when it comes down to it, its completely unfair that they do. Whatever choice that you have to make, or had to make, was chosen for a reason, they cannot judge you for it.... because it's free will.

Our world is ruled by religion. Its true that if not for religion the world would likely be plauged by anarchy, simply because people are not completely honest, kind, loving etc etc etc. Do we need religion to keep our way of life in order?

The majority of people would define religion in the following way: Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Islam, Sikh, Hindu... these are all different religions.... and this is what wikipedia says "Most definitions attempt to find a balance somewhere between overly sharp definition and meaningless generalities"

You cannot DEFINE religion. - A set of laws that we follow, Devine or not... we all have our own religion, always controlled by some kind of outside source.

Everyone follows the rules of life, because you cannot deny it. We are born, live breathe, suffer, endure, give up, suffer, move on, suffer, make choices, endure, regret, cry, get sick, learn, make mistakes, grow. This is how every single life looks. Anywhere along the line insert Death and you have every life exsisting now, and every life that has existed in the past.... and as for god, if he's there... he must be laughing, because we keep believing bullshit.

as for the afterlife, ... its AFTER life.

Are you a pigeon or a statue ???

2011-03-23T23:38:00.000+05:30

I believe you can be described as one of two things; a statue or a pigeon. A statue; you're being crapped on from a great height. A pigeon; you're doing the crapping from a great height.

I describe my days as either. And, once you work out which one you are and accept that, things seem to get easier and easier.

If I were to sit down and add up everything that has ballsed up, stuffed up, gone wrong, caught fire, unsettled, pissed off etc etc me over the last 5 years, you'd spin out. I swear you would. I've been under some 'bad luck' blanket for quite some time now; and I'm now more than ready to pass it on.

But, when you consider things like the cyclone, floods, fires etc; it's not that big a deal. But honestly, I'm getting REALLY sick of my life resembling days of our lives. On my new year cards this year, I received a HEAP of 'I hope you have a BORING 2011'. And, you know what? So do I!!! But it's still not happening and so be it.

My friend had his fourth set of grommets in yesterday and all went well, as per normal. Except for vomiting all over the pathway that is. But hey, it could be worse; it could have been all over the way again.

Another friend has broken 2 toes and is meant to start his new job in a week. Again, could be worse; he could've broken his foot.

I have not slept for at least 3 days more than 3 hours. It's KILLING me!! If it's not my room mate asking some remote question about my room mate 'Boss, have you been working well in your office ? ' or 'ahhhoowwww it hurrttss' it's 'This is a high temperature alarm'.

I'm just past it. I'm tired, cranky and irritable. Don't shit me today, because I think I'd be capable of ripping your head off.

My mind...a constant battlefield

2011-03-22T16:00:00.000+05:30

My mind is a constant battlefield. A war of impulsive raging thoughts combined with emotions. And of course matters don't help the fact that I'm a matured guy. I'm an adult but not. Legally I'm an adult. And at the appropriate times and places, I try to act as an adult (a mindful adult-who treats others with respect). I don't think it helps me that some adults treat me like an ignorant child. So, that may be why I'm confused as to what my age-appropriate role is here. I'm borderline. Regardless, I think EVERYONE should know how to act and treat other people at appropriate times, regardless of age. Sometimes I know to act like a respectful human being and other times it's appropriate for me to act like an idiot--because I'm young enough to get away with it without losing my "reputation".

So enough with the rambling. My 1st point I'm trying to make is that I'm at a rough/awkward age in life. but definitely not nearly as bad as being 14/15-I definitely would NEVER want to go back to that age! I'm currently "teeter-tottering" back and forth between adulthood and maturity and I think other adults in my life have a harder time determining what I am than what I think I am. Make sense?

Moving on...

On top of my age and variety of roles I play in life--my emotional/mental state is in it's own category. While in the midst of trying to have the mind of Christ by studying His word and putting it into action w/ different situations I go through, I've been battling depression/anxiety my WHOLE life. Except, I didn't know I had been dealing w/ depression until these past couple of weeks. I didn't know I was in depression until last week... and anxiety is something I've gotten better with, but have had relapses every now and then. I guess my question here is--WHAT do I do with these thoughts? these emotions? this anger? My anger has built up from years of being brought down, discouraged, feeling used when I know that I have tried so hard to manage these things--people don't even know the beginning of it. And if they did, they'd be very surprised that someone like me goes through and deals with all of this stuff. Yet, I hide it. Seems stupid right? Maybe. But I do it because ultimately I THINK it makes me stronger if I could learn the ability to override my own emotions and toughen up. To just block my emotions and take hit after hit and not have it effect me and my dreams. But I'm going about it the wrong way. I KNOW I am because all I end up with is left over anger. And the moment someone makes a personal attack against me or false accusation without even having the common knowledge of just coming to me and asking, the anger that was left over comes back and rises to the surface. I cry-I feel defeated.

So what do I do? How do I handle these conflicts/situations immediately without feeling like I'm going to lose control if I stick up for myself? How do I go about my rights of voicing my opinions to prevent false accusation without coming off as a rude/rebellious kid?

Do I allow myself to get angry and "press forward" only to regress? Or do immediately stand up for myself and not let it slide?

WHY AM I SO NICE?! Being angry isn't me. I don't seek revenge. I don't hold wrongs against anyone (mostly because I forget), but also because it's not within me or my spirit to do so. I follow through. I have so much to offer. Yet, I am never given credit.

THEN AGAIN--I think.. why do I, arjun sharma, feel that I need earthly praise? Why do I feel that I constantly need to feel encouragement from others?

It's probably because I lack encouragement SO MUCH.

I mean really people. I am a matured enuff hindu/brahmin boy in a world that is so corrupted-w/ a mission to bring Christ to people and people to Christ--but have failed to get encouragement from fellow believers. And sometimes not even those who are closest to me.

WHY IS THAT?! And I KNOW I'm not the only one who feels this way. My generation IS the future. And it's coming up fast. Don't you think the adults who are believers would make it THEIR mission to lift up their youth?

It's already BAD ENOUGH that I was born into a world of sin and show offs, but also trying to victoriously win the constant mental and emotional battles in my mind.

No one is at fault and no one's to blame. But when is enough really ever enough?

A part of me is saying to broadcast all of this because it could change a lot. But from past experiences, change wasn't the good news. It only brought on more anger from rejection.

I'm afraid of people.
I'm afraid of their thoughts.
I'm afraid of their intentions.
I'm afraid of their expectations.

I hope God is on my side. And I shouldn't be afraid..but then even God is also lost somewhere...

Prove Yourself to Youself...

2011-03-22T10:57:00.000+05:30

This is a general post aimed at anyone who is looking to start the fantastic journey which I am on of proving myself.. it is aimed at any people as it talks about something that happens up and down with anyone who tries to do hardwork and follows the path of honesty and simplicity and determined to change the mentality of high class people..

So I am new to this serious ' prove myself ' game for the first time, I guess I need to prove myself and show everyone I am a tough guy yeah?

No. Categorically that is not what you need to do in any way but it is a mistake which is made my quite a lot of people...they get so deep into act of proving themselves that they almost get lost...

I was a new comer in this game not so long ago and I know how it feels, the new boy between high society people feeling but even worse as you are walking into an environment of people who know nothing about real life scenarios and who will inevitable roll with you and submit you.

There are really then 2 choices I guess, the first which is the path I tried to take and the like of Naz and Chaz after me took which is to work hard, show willing, take your licks, tap out often and come back for more. Try to learn as much as you can from everyone you roll with, show willing to help out all you can with other new folks. Just in generally show you are part of the world and also part of the family. It is an environment as I have stated before unlike almost any other. This can feel daunting at first but if your life is anything like mine it takes very little time to fit in and be accepted as soon as you show you are there and committed and keep turning up and working hard you are set. This is the way that almost everyone chooses and i hope it is the one that works, people might take to you, help and support you..all you need to show is that you are a tough guy..

However there are some that take a second route, which while it is understandable it is not the right way and will not help long term. This is the method which involves walking into the life seeing what is going on and trying to go as hard and rough as you can. The mentality based around “I haven’t got the skill but I am strong” or as my Mum says “Strong in the arm soft in the head”. This is not the way to go, hurting folk or just going rough will not help you fit in it will not help you become a strong contender. More importantly maybe, you may beat these high society people with power and roughness but what do you learn from that, what technique do you pick up, how does this better you? The answer is that it doesn’t and this is an important lesson as jobs and life styles always has those at the start and those further on and one helps bring the other along. That is certainly something my friend steve is a great advocate of he always makes sure that we get well with high society people and they should always be respected because that makes them feel happy and great but at the same time they should have the duty to help people with simplicity in their heart and not so higher class..

Now at most places you will always get a second chance and be asked politely to try anything other than power and violence, most simple, kind people and slightly poor ones like myself will generally allow this new over eagerness and not react. But do not mistake the kindness and good hearted nature of people for weakness, if you continue down the wrong path it will not help you develop or really enjoy and love your life.

Just remember, you do not need to prove yourself to others and to the world.. just show commitment, hard work and the willingness to be part of a great thing, and prove yourself to yourself as after all this is the most important thing...

Improper Expectations ..

2011-03-21T17:46:00.000+05:30

Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords: but, like all other pleasures immoderately enjoyed, the excesses of hope is expiated by pain; and expectations improperly indulged, always end in disappointment..

If it be asked, what is the improper expectation which it is dangerous to indulge, experience will quickly answer, that it is such expectation as is dictated not by reason, but by desire; expectation raised, not by the common occurrences of life, but by the wants of the expectant; an expectation that requires the common course of things to be changed, and the general rules of action to be broken.

Protagonist !!

2011-03-21T16:43:00.000+05:30

Having memory means strive to revive bitterness and suffering, having a memory after all is our unique heritage that helps us to face the future with dignity, to undertake the journey of history, personal and collective with confident that we will not repeat mistakes and the best is yet to come.

Therefore, the protagonist who are each in our own.. lives Entrepreneurship trip each day to start again to bravely face the challenge of being alive, to exit the loop impossible, imposed forgetfulness and stubbornness, a story that is repeated by our own cowardice to take charge of our future.

It doesn’t have to be this way

2011-03-17T22:37:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I wonder where i am coming from
when i roll in like thunder just to turn around and run
it’s a good thing I don’t need to stay

I smell like moonlight in early morning rain
Pray tell a fool might surrender to my pain
Or find a cure for my decay

I am at my best with an ache in my chest
and that worn out old song that i play
Only God and i who long to teach u
should no one be left to betray

I don’t know the answer but I know who to blame
You can choose the dancer and you can choose the flame
I think i’ll find they’re one in the same

It doesn’t have to be this way
I am at my best with an ache in my chest
and that worn out old song that i play
Only God and i who long to teach u
should no one be left to betray

I don’t know the answer but I know who to blame
Pray tell a fool but surrender to my pain
It’s a good thing I don’t need to stay

Sometimes I wonder where i am coming from
when i roll in like thunder just to turn around and run
It’s a good thing I don’t need to stay
It doesn’t have to be this way

IAMBLOODYALONEINTHISWHOLEUNIVERSE ??

2011-03-17T11:08:00.001+05:30

According to a Harvard Professor, We are all alone in this great big universe because there's no alien life in our universe

And you know what, I think we are actually more alone than being the only one planet with life in the universe, because personally, I think it's more correct to say that everyone is actually all alone by themselves in the whole universe.

yea, all alone

I'm not being emo, in case you are stereotyping every person who talks about loneliness as being an emo freak. But don't you think I make sense? In this WHOLE world, there's only one person, who looks like you, smells like you, talks like you, thinks like you and went through the same things as you.

And that's you

So no one really know or understand you (and they will never be able to) and neither do you really know or understand someone else too. We see aliens as something/someone that we are unable to relate to, something/someone who are different from whom we are. So isn't it the same between people and people? We are like living all alone among aliens, whom we don't understand entirely and who don't understand us entirely too.

This is not the first time I ponder about this whole IAMBLOODYALONEINTHISWHOLEUNIVERSE idea. But they ended up the same way every time;
1) the whole thought just made me want to go and live on a mountain by myself more
2) I was so overwhelmed and in such a low-spirit that I just want to go and sleep (which acts as the most effective and convenient form of escapism for me)
3) feeling better because that fully explains why someone else is making life difficult for me by not understanding me.

And that's because, they are aliens

I'll Wait..

2011-03-15T15:31:00.000+05:30

So here I am

Tired and depressed

Thinking of ways

That I can become a success

It's nerve wrecking

Sitting n thinking

Comparing myself with highly paid people

It makes me wonder

If life is still worth living

But then again I should be thankful

For what I have been given

The pressure of being a loner

Is unbearable

But the unemployment rate

Is understandable

I feel like a loser

Sitting here writing this

But I love to write

So that i can feel light

I feel like everyone hates me

And that I am socially rejected

But it doesn't matter

I am as good as dead

I bet you all are reading this

and I bet you all are ready to judge

Be my guest

It doesn't bring me any luck

Sometimes I wonder

Why I was put on this earth

Like what my purpose is here

and why I am feeling so hurt

My life really sucks

And I try to fool myself

Into thinking it doesn't

When in reality

I have nothing

I feel like I am standing in the rain

Crying in pain

Thinking of everybody in vein

I'm similar to

Short term memory

I meet people

But they never remember me

This is not what I want

I need structure

I need to start building my life

Or I will find it hard to survive

I can't continue

staying at home

Relying on people

To give me something

I realize

That I have to get out and get it

I feel like I try so hard

But people only make my life harder

It's like I'll never win

So I light up a circle of candles

And sit in the center

Telling myself

That I can be a winner

I hate the position

That I am in right now

But eventually things will get better

and I won't have to frown

But until then

I'll sit and wait

Until I can get back on my feet

And set everything straight

Stand Up..

2011-03-14T12:15:00.000+05:30

Its scary to me to realize that the people you think are the strongest, can sometimes be the most lost. Is it only because you want to see that person as your stronghold that when they break down your so shocked? What do you do to help someone that you've never had to help before? I guess sacrifice is what it comes down to. The people you love are the ones you need to stand up for.

Choice is yours....

2011-03-13T19:22:00.000+05:30

The Choice is Yours

Shallow people love to show off.

“Look at me, how fair am I.”

But what do they have to show?

Skin, fat, bones, puss and hair.

Big deal. Bad deal.

Bad for them, and bad for those who watch the show.

Go to a marriage party and what do you find?

People sitting like kings and queens on chairs

Criticizing other people and killing themselves with

flashy once is a year wearable clothes

just to amuse the mind and gratify their little egos.

These are the still-born children of the world of Samsara

(the world of the selfish).

They have never breathed the wisdom of the soul.

They have never moved the mind with inspiration or tasted the nectar of bliss.

Their entire life is seething with anger and frustration,

wasted in excitement and boredom, chasing after ‘fun.’

Shallow people never last for long.

Like a puddle of water that dries up soon in the hot sun,

they are here today and tomorrow gone.

First they sprout, then they bud and bloom.

In no time they fade, wither, decay and die.

This is the life cycle of lies lived by an ordinary man or woman.

Deep people are different.

Their life is sublime.

They don’t live for the pleasures of the body or the whims of the mind.

Their beauty is not skin deep, but internal.

Deep people pass through the phases of life raising their consciousness,

Becoming more and more aware of that which is eternal.

Deep people have peace of mind.

Shallow people appease the mind.

Deep people absorb themselves in the wisdom of consciousness.

Shallow people are ego-pleasers and

get sucked into the moods of the mind.

In this life, there are two ways to go, one is bleak and the other bright.

One is the way of fools,

the other the way of the wise.

One leads you astray into selfish habits,

the other makes you happy, healthy, and wise.

One is the way of pleasure-seekers, and shortens your life;

the other is the way of wisdom-seekers, and prolongs your life.

One is cruel and unforgiving,

the other is filled with compassion and free of strife.

One is shallow, unsteady, and surreal;

the other is profound, stable, and very, very real.

One is self-seeking and gives pleasure and pain;

the other seeks the Self, and cannot be measured by worldly gain.

One path lures you into the endless revolution of birth and death;

the other path frees you from your mindless longing and its pollution.

The path of Light (the Way of the Wise) takes you beyond the

images of mind and the regions of matter, and leads up the ladder of evolution

to the highest states of Pure Consciousness.

Choose your path and know where you are going (walk in the Light).

Keep moving forward without any fear or thought of consolation.

Don’t bend your principles before the insolent might.

Open your eyes and perceive what you see (see things for what they are).

Open your ears and understand what you hear

(don’t misunderstand, be perplexed, or deceived).

The choices you make today determine tomorrow,

and this life determines the next.

“You are the sum total of the choices you make.”

Don’t waste even a single day wallowing in a life of lies.

Choose carefully what you see with your eyes and hear with your ears.

(Don’t fall for hollow distractions.)

Choose carefully your tastes (your likings), and choose carefully the feelings you have and the scents (attractions) you follow.

You are the author of your own life and destiny.

You are the script writer, producer, director, and actor.

This is your life.

Reveal your True Nature, manifest your inner glow.

Listen to the voice of Pure Consciousness.

Unite the mind with the Divine and let the wisdom flow.

The choice is yours.

Million Little Pieces of life ....

2011-03-11T14:35:00.000+05:30

More than two and half year has passed. Never thought I could hang on this far. I'm in my fourth posting now. And I'm also a good resource there. Yes, everything is a eff-ed up. People may say wow DUDE! Superb! Heh. The truth is it's not. And I'm not here to talk how eff-ed up it is. This may not be what I want in life but heh, just bring it on. I've decided. It's definitely going to be my choice in my life. I'm not gonna stay in a world full with shine and show offs everywhere.

Enough about work. Let's talk about age and love. I'm almost in mid of my life. I don't think I'm old yet. I still have a lot to do. I know everyone around me is getting married and having families. I want that. I seriously do. It's just so hard to fall again. I'm still not over you, eh wait it yet. So if it's time that I need. So, be it. I don't want anyone to be a rebound. See, I'm a nice human being. And if crazy is what I need to be, so be it. It's just too difficult to erase your images. This feeling is so weird.

Well, to those people who are sitting in their air conditioned rooms & looking for some rich man's blog that is full with inspiration. I think you've come to a wrong place. I'm just a plain human being whose life is so eff-ed up. And he's still figuring out how to make it less eff-ed up.

CaveMan By Brains !

2011-03-11T12:58:00.000+05:30

These days i have been exploring hell lot of human beings and i am very excited about my new exploration of troglodyte human beings who are caveman by brains.
Uncle Einstein, I am missing you at this moment. Trust me, i am so big fan of you and your theories of evolution of monkey to human being, i definately would have discussed about my new exploration with you. Coming back to the point, my exploration - " Cave Man By Brains " is a very specific bunch of assorted, out of sync yet perfectly self tuned people with glorious past and tales of their biggest struggles ever done in the history of mankind.They are self proclaimed and they think they own everything that a billionaire or millionaire owns except a brain which is really a very big part of human body.

This specie of human lives in so called megacities and they are the damn metrosexulals people who are almost punk by their acts and thinking but they have a brain of cave man. They love to own a car but they still love stone wheel invented by their ancestors, they love fine dine but prefer hunting down and eating raw flesh, they love candle lights but they lit the candles with old caveman style of rubbing their crudes ( i mean stones and sticks )...Caveman are always portrayed as wearing shaggy animal hides, armed with rocks or cattle bone clubs, unintelligent, and aggressive but this specie of Caveman prefers branded clothes for some social reasons but trust me i have seen them more comfortable in their prehitoric shaggy animal hides gowns, they are most happy that time. Our troglodyte cerebrum ( " CaveMan By Brain " ) prefer visiting art galleries but they cant stop themselves from making some dancing dolls and running animals kind of prehistoric paitings on the walls, dude ! u r awesome..can u please make a nude painting of me ?? but not on walls please..i dont want you to get famous by drawings my balls on a wall which is open to anyone..

CaveMan by brains !! Talking about the positive part of them, i think they are interesting people. I mean its always adventurous to be with such people. I love to see how they manage themselves with double barrled aspects of their life and i was amazed to see their adaption according to the situation...i mean they are awesome..even more than a whiptail lizard of desert who is smart enough to stay out of the sun during the hottest part of the day. They stay deep underground in burrows as the sand is much cooler there.

.......to be continued

Stuff Pretentious People Like: Being Busy

2011-03-11T11:47:00.001+05:30

If there’s one thing pretentious people just love, it’s being monumentally busy and belonging from high class. The world is a fast-paced place, after all, and pretentious people are right in the thick of it at all times. They’re not like the rest of us, who just glide through life with nothing to do all day, waiting for them to be available so we can have something really fun to do. You are the Ford Crown Victoria to their Porsche 911 Turbo, so you better get out of the way, at least until they tell you there’s room in their passenger seat (which might be on the 10th of Never, honestly).

Despite their monumentally “occupied” status, don’t expect to ever see them anywhere out on the town. They don’t do the same things socially, because they exist on a higher plane, participating in activities to which you are not invited or they try to be social at places where they should be quite. They have a whole other set of friends that also have a whole other set of friends. And none of the friends you share in common will ever see them either. While this may sound suspicious (and you might start to suspect they are actually sitting at home on any given night in elasticized ankle sweats, eating some self proclaimed chef food and watching re-runs of “ FRIENDS, the whole phenomenon makes sense. The friends you have in common obviously suck as much as you do and aren’t invited either.

While pretentious people are very busy, they are often not very happy about the horrible things they have to do and in real life they are more horrible than a 1970's ugly and weired mix of wolf and a man called as wolfman. These also double as excuses for why they can’t work you into their schedules this week and will have to be penciling you in until after their “busy season:”
-- Thanks to Pompous Pilate for helping me in writing this.

Words fail me and I over look

2011-03-10T10:16:00.000+05:30

Words fail me and I over look.

My chest hurts and tears welled up when I least expect, memories caught me and I mix as if the assembly was defective, as if on purpose, knowing not put those parts of my memories.
My chest hurts, my foot hurts, and especially hurts my elbow. It hurts me deep inside, and if I stop, I can tell the precise machinery of my pain, as if it were a clock, but it's funny, I can not break anything, and I see the infinite pieces. I only brought mixed memories from way back.
I leave the words escape me and I go to the air. I can see between small floral clusters of small clouds as if it were.
I remember your smile hurts a certainty of something that will not return. And it's funny, because they are the memories I keep hearing the least, and yet, I have days with your laughter in my head, hitting hard, as insisting on preserving the memory above all others. But as I listen with clarity, and make it heard the tune separately from the rest, I only hear my own tears mingling with your laughter and then the perception becomes clear sound. It is a cry dry, rough, which gradually fades from city traffic.

Small Victory

2011-03-09T14:30:00.001+05:30

Lazing about, listening to the waning hum of the fan as it rotates over me, sheepishly letting the warm air tuck me into a false sleep.

The bags that once were become more apparent; wrinkles now creased upon my pale flesh - a furrowed brow showing signs of zealous overuse. Change is unlike anything there is, regardless of how much we might seem to enjoy affixing it to mother nature. It has not been long, yet eternity has raged on ceaselessly.

Eyes fluttering open, keeping the memories of old from pervading my sanctum. Funny how such sweet memories of the past can taste so bitter-sweet now. Caught in the rip-tide that is day to day life, there is little we can do but go where the current takes us. Of course we know what ocean we go into and know we'll still be there when it ends, but that is only the basis, the structure to our future.

The creaking of an old vehicle yielding at the apartment parking, engine panting in the tepid heat. Once again the fan overpowers the background, seemingly blowing away what small worries there were just moments ago. How it gives me such reassurance is somewhat alarming, but at the same time it gives me peace of mind. I thank it. Abrupt and short-lived laughter. Sentiments shown towards an inanimate object.

The sun has long since set, but the heat persists. The fan keeps blowing, as though it were the last bastion to fend a warring army - the odds of it overcoming everything are impossible, but momentary relief is what it aims to do. Fixated on such smalls things, my mind strays again. Heavy tiredness wears on my body and soul. Long days, long nights. This was the trade and I knew it all along - yet selfish and fickle as we humans are, we will still hunger for a happiness unrequited.

Until then, for now, I turn my sympathy and admiration to that rustic device above me. Lazily turning the air around me cool. Sleep will soon come, and the memories will come as well. It's part of the package, as they say.

Drifting off, the night closes in, as though to embrace the body that stirs not. It's a welcome gesture and fully received. Let it whisper sweet nothings into my ear and fill my heart with the melancholy of tomorrow and an endearing future.

Sleeping as the fan rotates mechanically, the heat falls back. A rare, but small victory for the day - but that was all that was needed.

That is my Journey

2011-03-08T11:55:00.000+05:30

Overcome with apathy and melancholy, my life has given way to hallowed prospects and a curt view on the immediate future. You can lie to yourself, you can lie to others, but when those lies finally catch up, everyone is caught drowning in the vast ocean of disparity and disillusion.

A fine line between hopeful optimism and realistic pessimism. The line of logic you draw is not straight. It holds no form, no rhythm, no pattern, no rules, no limit, no threshold, no bottom. It is a representation of life - of you, of me. It's the open world, all set out before you in a tantalizing manner. Look, but do not take. To take, you must earn that right of ownership. It is only then that the world becomes yours.

In an ever-changing world, we are pitted against ourselves and others daily. A quasi-battle of "survival of the fittest"; but in reality, it is only looking out for yourself. You cannot expect to rely on others, and should not leave yourself to be guided by them. In the event they disappear, you are left stranded in the open without a recollection or clue of where you were going. What was my destination? What was my goal?

It is the point in which you start again. Move. Move. Move forward. Move backward. Move sideways. It doesn't really matter, as long as you're moving. That is hopeful optimism. A direction does not matter as long as you find happiness in that quest.

That is my trail right now. There may be precautionary lines guiding my peripheral vision for the time being, but it will not always exist. Soon my blinders will be taken off. Then it will be my turn - my next trial. When I approach that fork in the road, I will decide on which route suits me best.
... That is my journey.

Pain

2011-03-07T17:46:00.000+05:30

Have you ever felt pain?

Acute pain?

Something is not right, you know it

Something far from pain

Shred off the masks, say the truth

Do not only complain

or sustain

The pain

It will come again and again

Till you lose the taste of life there and in between

Nothing is of value anymore

A black cloud colors everything, and drains

The energy from your body, soul and brain

Have you ever experienced such pain?

Go ahead, share your story, there’s nothing to hide or contain

We’re all human, eh?

Are we sure of that, or are we trying to explain?

To each other, to the world, that our life is not in vain

What if this was a dream?

A long nightmare

Full of pain

Full of struggle and disappointment, would you refrain?

from living it, or could you abstain?

Is there an option? Can you submit a complain?

Has anyone asked you to enter the dream?

Have you been aware of what lies ahead?

Do not hide the pain

It will come again

Unless you wake up from the dream

The so long nightmare

There will be no pain

Maybe!

Another nightmare might be waiting around the corner

to suck you in

into an endless sort of pain

From which there’s no escape

Or going back to the first dream

Of lesser pain…

Waiting For You !

2011-03-06T22:45:00.000+05:30

I do
What I want
To do and that is
wait on you

You got a
Lot to go through
You are
So far away too

And as soon
As you come in
You'll make my life
An earthly heaven

I am going to
Wait on you
I feel what
You're going through

I want to
See you and hold you too
So I'm waiting
For you.

Sanity Savers !

2011-03-05T10:31:00.000+05:30

I’m overwhelmed at the moment. With work and life. To the point of tears.

Don’t worry. This isn’t a whining blog. We all get overwhelmed at times so I know I’m in good company.

I’ve been filling in for the morning shift. And at the same time, I got assigned some responsibilities which will keep me busy for long time. I’m working long days. No days off. I get home late in time, no time to eat dinner, getting into bed very late but i do get up at around 5:00 AM to do it again. It's starting to wear on me a bit.

I find I get a little more nuts—i.e., whiny, cranky, bitchy, teary, sanctimonious, etc.—when I don’t take a few minutes for stuff that centers me.

These are my Sanity Savers

A Time Limit: I know the trial of my life is on & will be done this week and my projects will be green flagged in two weeks. So, it might be a hellish few days but two weeks from today, it’s done. I’ll cling to that and start checking off days.

Thinking: Spending even a few minutes with my brain seems to calm something in my soul. I don’t even know if it’s the act of thinking or just being in my house, alone. I’m your basic introvert so this is the perfect way to re-energize.

Friends: This is one often adds to my busy days because I have to take time to see them but it really does help. I’ve got three meetings for coffee or breakfast this week. It’s on my calendar and I’ll just slip away from work for a few minutes and come back calmer.

Writing: I particularly feel this one. When I’m so busy with the day job that I don’t have time to write, it weighs on me. Not really a conscious thing but I just get discontented with life. Then I spend a few hours with my characters and suddenly my mind is working again. I’ve got happy little voices in my head. Doesn’t always help with the day job but it makes the time much more entertaining.

So what do you do to save your sanity when you’re overwhelmed with the pressures of life? I’m always looking for something new to try.

Turning that frawn upside down

2011-02-03T00:02:00.000+05:30

I can tell I need to sit down and think about things I'm thankful for tonight, because as I sit here at my computer staring at the screen in complete and total exhaustion (it was another 13 hour day today), all I can think about is how frustrated and burned out I am by my working habits this year. Underfunding, huge cuts, a class full of seriously high need (and seriously awesome, but seriously high need) kids, and an insane lack of support have all turned me into a frazzled ranting stress case. You may think I'm kidding, but those who see me regularly I'm sure will vouch for it.

So, as I'm trying to get into the habit of doing so anyway, here's a list of couple of things I'm grateful for - few of God's goodness to me from today.

1. I started my day with one of the sweetest and best voice of my life..i have only couple of sweet voiced loved ones :-). Its always awesome to hear my aai's voice in early morning :-) I love you aai.

2. I ran into an old friend on my way to office - someone I knew from my coffee shop job years ago. Every single one of his co-workers talked about what a lovely human being he was, and as I left, I realized just that little interaction made for a happy little kick start to my day.

3. I'm grateful for my black tea ! :)

4. It was a beautiful day today after a day of laziness yesterday. I'm grateful for ANY such day over here in February, and we got nearly a whole day of it!

5. I got a call from my mom today that my new room is ready to go and I can start using it as early as this year.

6. Today was my sitar class, so I had a bit of a breather in the middle of the day to get stuff done but at the end of the day, as usual i missed it :-|

7. I got a promise from someone that they are going to give their best :-)

8. There are some really great people at my office this year, and I really like them. I'm grateful for fun co-workers.

9. I love my new laptop with ubuntu! Finally I don't have a dinosaur slug of a beast! It's fast and it's cute and it's shiny! OoooOoOOoOOOoOOOooo!

10. And the most important part of my day holds the moment when i uploaded my new track on my blog. I am happy that i was able to finish off a half composition done by my beautiful angel Melly...Hey Melly !! Have you heard my arrangements on your composition ?? :-)

11. How can i forget the appreciation i got from my aai and monica for my new track. Hoooray ! that made me feel so special :-)

12.. I'm grateful for this list and how it's helped my grumbly, ranty self remember that I have been blessed throughout today.

13. I'm grateful for my bed.

Whenever I'm gonna go sleep on it..

In Your Loving Memory - Melly

2011-02-02T12:02:00.000+05:30

In Loving Memory of Melly Keminiski

(Jan 22, 1983 - Jan 8, 2011)

Now its up to 24 days,
Living life to the fullest with no fears.
For I know your upstairs guiding my every step,
When I'm down I think of the memories I've always kept.
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger",
I only wish you lived life much longer.
They say everything happens for a reason,
Life only last so long like a season.
Hug your loved ones and hold them tight,
Life's too short and Heaven is always in sight.

Loving and missing you always,
POPO

I Believe ...

2010-12-25T19:23:00.000+05:30

I believe in happiness And friendship, through and through,
I believe in Miracles and dreams that will come true,
I believe that when you cry your tears are not in vain,
And when you’re sad and lonely someone knows that you’re in pain.

I believe that when we laugh a sparkle starts to shine,
And before you know these sparks will spread
From more hearts than just mine.
I believe the gifts you have are there for you to share
And when you give them from the heart, the whole world knows you care.

I believe that if you give, even just to one,
That gift will grow in magnitude before the day is done.
I believe that comfort comes from giving part of me,
And if I share with others, there’s more for all so see.
I believe that love is still the greatest gift of all,
And when it’s given from the heart, Love will conquer all.

Magic...!!!

2010-12-14T15:10:00.000+05:30

Clover reflected in morning dew & a wintry foggy morning could only mean one thing.

...magic.

while blue skies and chilly breeze force most to cancel plans, they prompt me to make them and as soon as i see beautiful cold and foggy morning..
I set out with big plans to fit into my woolen clothes..
to seize the moment..
to find the most perfect patches of happiness for the best wintry mornings..
I love it when its cold and foggy..
the long boots are still alive and kickin' (thank you, ruchika). and they make the loveliest squelch and squerch sounds you've ever heard..
yes, the winter is quite magic..
so, thank you god and month of december..
thank you gray, languid sky..
oh, and thank you long boots..
and in other magic.
December plus fall plus winters equals one happy guy today.
I am a bundle of creative energy ready to be unleashed...and if you don't provide it, i'll find it...

Me !

2010-12-13T12:12:00.000+05:30

Hi, I'm Arjun. I've been alive from a long time, and I finally have my own JOB, CREDIT CARD, a SITAR, an EKTARA and a SARANGI. I'm very excited about this, and generally excited by anything else that falls into the "proud to own" or "proud to have" categories. I am learning to play SITAR from one of the renowed and respected SITAR player of India. EKTARA is another instrument which i love to play and enjoy its spiritual tone. I LOVE Pune. That's where I live, when I'm lucky enough to be there. I love the town so much, I sometimes feel like I should drive my bike around the town and scream "I LOVE PUNE" loudly out to the world. That wouldn't be weird, right? Every time I try and wink at someone, I mess it up and end up scaring people because of my alien looks. My lucky number always has been and always will be 3. It pops up in front of me in the most obvious and undeniable ways, but only when something good is about to happen. I'm an AQUARIAN. I think that means I'm humane, frank, serious minded, genial, refined, sometimes ethereal, and idealistic, though this last quality is tempered with a sensible practicality. It also means I have a Christmas-themed birthday party every year and I love blue color and things that make reality seem more whimsical than it is. I over-think and over-plan and over-organize. I've been like this since I was a baby, before I was gigantically huge and over-talkative.

These days, I've been trying to classify my thoughts into two categories: "Things I can change," and "Things I can't." It seems to help me sort through what to really stress about. But there I go again, over-planning and over-organizing my over-thinking! I write songs about my adventures and misadventures, most of which concern love. Love is a tricky business. But if it wasn't, I wouldn't be so enthralled with it. Lately I've come to a wonderful realization that makes me even more fascinated by it: I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to love. No one does! There's no pattern to it, except that it happens to all of us, of course. I can't plan for it. I can't predict how it'll end up. Because love is unpredictable and it's frustrating and it's tragic and it's beautiful. And even though there's no way to feel like I'm an expert at it, it's worth writing songs about -- more than anything else I've ever experienced in my life.

I've apparently been the victim of growing up, which apparently happens to all of us at one point or another. It's been going on for quite some time now, without me knowing it. I've found that growing up can mean a lot of things. For me, it doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I've just added more things to my list. Like for example, I'm still beyond obsessed with the winter season and I still start putting up strings of lights in September. I still love sparkles and grocery shopping and really old cats and dogs that are only nice to you half the time. I still love writing music and wearing three-fourths all the time and gazing at stars. But some new things I've fallen in love with -- mismatched everything. Mismatched chairs, mismatched colors, mismatched personalities. I love spraying deodrants I used to wear when I was in school. It brings me back to the days of trying to get a close parking spot at school, trying to get noticed by senior students, and trying to figure out how to avoid doing or saying anything uncool, and wishing every minute of every day that one day maybe I'd get a chance to get noticed or appreciated somehow. Or something crazy and out of reach like that. ;) I love old buildings with the paint chipping off the walls and my dad's stories about whales and tigers. I love the freedom of living alone, but I also love things that make me feel seven again. Back then naivety was the norm and skepticism was a foreign language, and I just think every once in a while you need fries and a good tea and your mom. I love picking up a cookbook and closing my eyes and opening it to a random page, then attempting to make that recipe. I've loved my friends from the very first day, but they've said things and done things recently that make me feel like they're my dear ones -- more now than ever before. I'll never go a day without thinking about them and cherishing my memories with them.

I think it's important that you know that I will never change. But I'll never stay the same either. Must be an Aquarian thing.

I'm pretty stoked that you read this whole thing. I commend you for that. This was ridiculously long, and you probably have other stuff you could've done in the last four minutes. So to you, or anyone else who has spent four minutes on me in some way-- Reading about me, or about my views….Thank you. I love you like I love sparkles and having the last word. And that's real love.

Twitter Diarrhea !!!

2010-04-26T15:15:00.000+05:30

Twitterhea or Twitter Diarrhea sucks. Unlike real diarrhea it mostly sucks for the followers but it also sucks for the people afflicted with it. If you use twitter you’ve probably experienced this at some point. It’s the point in time when some user decides i have really important things to say and i’m going to say them all RIGHT NOW.

I did a search on this topic and i’m certainly not the first person to write about this issue. However what they were talking about was mostly in regards to minutia. As in no one wants two tweets expressing the fact that 1) you just put the pickle on your sandwich and 2) you’re eating your sandwich. One would be sufficient if either.

However as obvious as it is that no one cares about your minutia it’s much less obvious to consider whether the volume of what you’re writing is too much even if it’s extremely useful.

We’re all busy people with real jobs and things to do. Twitter is a useful learning tool and we love when people share things that are interesting/informative/funny etc. Yet no matter how interesting/informative/funny the things you’re sharing are if i see a tweet from you every few minutes i’m going to assume what you’re sharing is just a list of things and none are all that important.

In fact the volume of minutia can be much greater then the links you share because at least something like having a sandwich i can view and move on from. When I see a link i have to decide whether its interesting enough to click and to repeat what i said above if i see alot of tweets at once i’ll assume they’re not that interesting.

In other words by tweeting too much no matter how valuable your tweets are you’ve devalued all your tweets.

I won’t put a number on what’s too much it probably varies for different people. So when you’re tweeting just remember to tweet wisely.

Away from Blog !

2010-02-16T10:39:00.001+05:30

Hey! These days m away from my blog as the things are getting serious and sad in my city...hope to see u soon!

The Mystic Music Instrument - Chitrali Sitar

2009-12-02T10:01:00.000+05:30

Last week i came across a very interesting instrument called ' Chitrali ' ..the invention of which is attributed to Amir Khusro, a 14th century mystic poet, scholar and sage. Khusro, in order to better express his mystic poems infused with messages of love for God and creation, used a sit as his instrument of predilection. Chitral sitar is most popular in Chitral, norther Pakistan. People of chitral regards it as an appropiate medium for preaching and spreading their doctrine of love and mysicism. Chitrali sitar is regarded as token of honor and highly esteemed decoration in many houehold and is also a precious souvenir for friends.

Chitrali sitar is about 4 to 5 feet long and features and oval sound box at the bottom. Body and sound box are made from two diff pieces of wood delicately fixed so the joints are almost imperceptible.The wood used in fabrication is called Mulberry wood as it contains no oil which suits the mechanism of instrument. The think wooden body or ' ghazdar' contains 13 sweet sounding parda or frets fixed at appropiate places by skilled sitar makers. It has 5 wooden pegs for tuning the strings.The baisc element in Chitrali is its middle string that goes under the fouth parda from above, it is known as ' parda-e-saaz' in local music terminology.

Playing chitrali sitar is almost same like playing normal sitar. The sitar is placed on the lap with the body face up and neck pointed up.The forefinger of the right hand is used to strum the string of the sound box. The index and middle fingers of the left hand are placed on the parda moving up and down in harmony with the strumming of the strings.

Chitrali sitar has the most mystic sound. Although i am still a learner but believe me i enjoyed running my fingers on the strings of it and listening to the mystic sound of it. It was a very very spirtual experience for me.

Sinhgad College in Monsoon !!!

2009-08-01T16:51:00.000+05:30

Purple clouds over green field !!!

Way to GIRLS hostel...!! :-)

Dark clouds over field !!!

Empty Lane outside canteen !!!