Pain

Have you ever felt pain?

Acute pain?

Something is not right, you know it

Something far from pain

Shred off the masks, say the truth

Do not only complain

or sustain

The pain

It will come again and again

Till you lose the taste of life there and in between

Nothing is of value anymore

A black cloud colors everything, and drains

The energy from your body, soul and brain

Have you ever experienced such pain?

Go ahead, share your story, there’s nothing to hide or contain

We’re all human, eh?

Are we sure of that, or are we trying to explain?

To each other, to the world, that our life is not in vain

What if this was a dream?

A long nightmare

Full of pain

Full of struggle and disappointment, would you refrain?

from living it, or could you abstain?

Is there an option? Can you submit a complain?

Has anyone asked you to enter the dream?

Have you been aware of what lies ahead?

Do not hide the pain

It will come again

Unless you wake up from the dream

The so long nightmare

There will be no pain

Maybe!

Another nightmare might be waiting around the corner

to suck you in

into an endless sort of pain

From which there’s no escape

Or going back to the first dream

Of lesser pain…

Waiting For You !

I do
What I want
To do and that is
wait on you

You got a
Lot to go through
You are
So far away too

And as soon
As you come in
You'll make my life
An earthly heaven

I am going to
Wait on you
I feel what
You're going through

I want to
See you and hold you too
So I'm waiting
For you.

Sanity Savers !

I’m overwhelmed at the moment. With work and life. To the point of tears.

Don’t worry. This isn’t a whining blog. We all get overwhelmed at times so I know I’m in good company.

I’ve been filling in for the morning shift. And at the same time, I got assigned some responsibilities which will keep me busy for long time. I’m working long days. No days off. I get home late in time, no time to eat dinner, getting into bed very late but i do get up at around 5:00 AM to do it again. It's starting to wear on me a bit.

I find I get a little more nuts—i.e., whiny, cranky, bitchy, teary, sanctimonious, etc.—when I don’t take a few minutes for stuff that centers me.

These are my Sanity Savers

A Time Limit: I know the trial of my life is on & will be done this week and my projects will be green flagged in two weeks. So, it might be a hellish few days but two weeks from today, it’s done. I’ll cling to that and start checking off days.

Thinking: Spending even a few minutes with my brain seems to calm something in my soul. I don’t even know if it’s the act of thinking or just being in my house, alone. I’m your basic introvert so this is the perfect way to re-energize.

Friends: This is one often adds to my busy days because I have to take time to see them but it really does help. I’ve got three meetings for coffee or breakfast this week. It’s on my calendar and I’ll just slip away from work for a few minutes and come back calmer.

Writing: I particularly feel this one. When I’m so busy with the day job that I don’t have time to write, it weighs on me. Not really a conscious thing but I just get discontented with life. Then I spend a few hours with my characters and suddenly my mind is working again. I’ve got happy little voices in my head. Doesn’t always help with the day job but it makes the time much more entertaining.

So what do you do to save your sanity when you’re overwhelmed with the pressures of life? I’m always looking for something new to try.

Turning that frawn upside down

I can tell I need to sit down and think about things I'm thankful for tonight, because as I sit here at my computer staring at the screen in complete and total exhaustion (it was another 13 hour day today), all I can think about is how frustrated and burned out I am by my working habits this year. Underfunding, huge cuts, a class full of seriously high need (and seriously awesome, but seriously high need) kids, and an insane lack of support have all turned me into a frazzled ranting stress case. You may think I'm kidding, but those who see me regularly I'm sure will vouch for it.

So, as I'm trying to get into the habit of doing so anyway, here's a list of couple of things I'm grateful for - few of God's goodness to me from today.

1. I started my day with one of the sweetest and best voice of my life..i have only couple of sweet voiced loved ones :-). Its always awesome to hear my aai's voice in early morning :-) I love you aai.

2. I ran into an old friend on my way to office - someone I knew from my coffee shop job years ago. Every single one of his co-workers talked about what a lovely human being he was, and as I left, I realized just that little interaction made for a happy little kick start to my day.

3. I'm grateful for my black tea ! :)

4. It was a beautiful day today after a day of laziness yesterday. I'm grateful for ANY such day over here in February, and we got nearly a whole day of it!

5. I got a call from my mom today that my new room is ready to go and I can start using it as early as this year.

6. Today was my sitar class, so I had a bit of a breather in the middle of the day to get stuff done but at the end of the day, as usual i missed it :-|

7. I got a promise from someone that they are going to give their best :-)

8. There are some really great people at my office this year, and I really like them. I'm grateful for fun co-workers.

9. I love my new laptop with ubuntu! Finally I don't have a dinosaur slug of a beast! It's fast and it's cute and it's shiny! OoooOoOOoOOOoOOOooo!

10. And the most important part of my day holds the moment when i uploaded my new track on my blog. I am happy that i was able to finish off a half composition done by my beautiful angel Melly...Hey Melly !! Have you heard my arrangements on your composition ?? :-)

11. How can i forget the appreciation i got from my aai and monica for my new track. Hoooray ! that made me feel so special :-)

12.. I'm grateful for this list and how it's helped my grumbly, ranty self remember that I have been blessed throughout today.

13. I'm grateful for my bed.

Whenever I'm gonna go sleep on it..

In Your Loving Memory - Melly

In Loving Memory of Melly Keminiski

(Jan 22, 1983 - Jan 8, 2011)

Now its up to 24 days,
Living life to the fullest with no fears.
For I know your upstairs guiding my every step,
When I'm down I think of the memories I've always kept.
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger",
I only wish you lived life much longer.
They say everything happens for a reason,
Life only last so long like a season.
Hug your loved ones and hold them tight,
Life's too short and Heaven is always in sight.

Loving and missing you always,
POPO