Tuesday, February 7, 2012

It will never be remodeled...



Maybe its true what i read somewhere, " all of us being cracked open." Like each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And then things happen - these people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or change their priorities, or they need someone more exciting and we lose and fail and get hurt. Relationships take up energy; letting go of them, psychiatrists theorize, entails mental work. When we lose someone we were close to, we have to reassess our picture of the world and our place in it. The more our identity was wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the loss, we no longer believe in the idea of souls mates, love at first sight, being part of each other and the vessel starts to crack in places. And I mean, yeah once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. Once it starts to rain inside the Osprey, it will never be remodeled. But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And its only that time that we see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face to face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade, but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out. But i need to start believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.