I guess everyone knows the feeling of having planned things and then suddenly, something comes up and everything crashes down.
it's saddening. disappointing. it's like a dream,or a nightmare, that you'd want to escape and wake up from.
You have that feeling of wanting to go back to the time when everything was still set.... you just wanna hold on. but you can't. maybe i just can't. maybe it's not just meant to be. or what.
These are the times when confusion strikes. cliche. these are the times when you literally don't know what to do and you can't do anything but hope for the best.
I ask God why. and i know that His answers...and plans... are far more perfect than the ones i have set for myself. sometimes i ask, why let me taste the cheese? when He knows that frail as i am, i have indulged and thrown myself into it completely... and then pull the cheese away? but of course, God is good because He chose me to have the cheese even for a while.
Cheese is not really a good term. i am not a mouse to be exact or the term "cheese" underlies what could have been.
I am really baffled right now by the situation. but maybe this is not so bad after all. maybe i am really meant to stay here. or not. i don't know. maybe it is still too early to think about these things. maybe there are still other ways. God, what do You plan for me? i know that is great and i am excited for that. please let me understand. please.
Yes i am baffled. but i am not worried. i am sad but i am not in despair..
Things will change and my course of direction can also change. but i know that God is with me and He will direct me.
I am fortunate to had taste of good life and to have that momentary period when i thought i can change everything in an instant. but maybe God is waking me up, waking everyone up... that after all, He is still the one in control. He is still the one who knows what's best. God is good and never will He forsake anyone.
Yes my plans are not happening as what i have thought of them to be. but maybe a little chaos can beautify things. What do i want? what is essential? God, i know You have plans. i trust You. that is why i will let You decide.
God please enlighten me..
