Realization

I am a swirling mass of emotions right now-nothing new, right? I am hurt, overjoyed, nervous, tired, sad, scared. I realize that now everything changes. Life kicks into gear-the good times are coming to an end. And yet there will always be that element which does not falter-the piece that has no connection.

It is through that element that I find myself at a loss tonight. On one hand, I am so thankful for the ways in which God has been working in my life. On the other hand, I don't know what to do for the bulk of it. Sometimes, all I can do is listen and offer prayer-I am genuinely pathetic. What am I doing? What am I not doing?-perhaps that is a better question.

Don't let the title fool you-this may have begun as a pity blog, but it is not that now. Through this process of writing and reflection, I have come to a place where I realize the idiocy of it all. If I am doing this for me, of course I will base the results on how it affects me. It begs the question, 'Why did I do it?' I think I am still trying to figure that out exactly, but I am certainly tired of living for myself. I am also tired of living for those who only serve to bleed me dry for their own purpose. Don't confuse this with those who need to be poured into-completely different spectra. Anyway, this is probably sounding like a broken record to most of you-the same old story told with a different pitch. Maybe you're right; but I think each time this comes around I have a new perspective and a deeper knowledge and understanding. There again, maybe not. Perhaps I am doomed to deal with similar problems all of my life-much like an endless waltz, the three beats of turmoil (war), peace, and change (revolution) going on into eternity.

And as I sit here philosophizing, I am reminded of a friend's blog in which he addressed the problem of our society and the fact that we spend too much time talking and reflecting (this is not an attack, merely a means of dialogue) and how it deadens our passion. We spend all of our time talking about doing good, and not actually doing the good we discuss.

I agree that we are not doing enough, but I am not sure the best means of correcting the situation. I can honestly say, I have a desire to help and give of myself. However, I have come to realize that my 'helping' can cause just as much harm as it can benefit.

So what should I do? Sit around and wait until all the elements are perfect and guaranteed success? μὴ γένοιτο!-loosely translated, 'No way!' If I wait around for that, I will never see it-I would be like the servant in Luke 19 who is given a mina but rather than do anything with it, he simply hides it in a handkerchief. Life has a lot for me to do and I need to be willing to step up and do that work. But I am not going to stop thinking-it is just such a big part of my nature, I rarely act without thinking.

All I can do is be faithful in the work Life has for me and realize that I have a role to play, but I do not have top billing.

"Well Done.......

Yesterday was a beautiful day, and I was SO happy-it was 32 degrees outside, I spent the morning/early afternoon at office, and was able to stop at store to pick up a few things before heading home to relax for the evening.

While I was at store I thought I recognized someone I know, but within seconds the realization hit me: that was completely impossible. That person had gone home to be with the Lord some time ago.

This has been happening quite often-the losses catch up with me. For a second, shock comes over me-as if I were hearing the death announced for the first time, then an overwhelming sense of sadness, and perhaps a few tears. I don't know-maybe I'm just slow at dealing with things like death.

I'm reminded that life is short. Today might be my last day as a vessel of God's love, of His Truth, to this lost & dying world. If not mine, somebody else's-that's for SURE. And I've been asking myself things like "would you be satisfied with how you have lived if today is your last day?" and "Of the things that happen today, what is going to matter in eternity?"

Those are tough questions. But asking them has helped me to choose my battles. Are the little annoyances going to matter in eternity? oh, they aren't?...but my reaction to them might? Then I won't let them get to me. When I am before the judgement seat, will He be more pleased if I have stood in judgement of others, or if I have gently come alongside them to point them to Truth? Is what he/she thought or said about me going to have any impact at all on God's (Omniscient, by the way) point of view? No. Then I won't be bothered by them.

There is a way of life that is clearly better. I'm trying to live it, so that when my time is up, I might hear the words "Well done." from the only few people whose opinions are valuable to me.

No matter where raft or feet might go....

Starting to put pieces together
along the bank I walk
I must
swim I could
but sail I must
wandering over to this scrap and the next
picking them up and carefully
oh so carefully
adding them to the rest

I take out from my jacket pocket
dazzling white
my sail
which sewn with threads of thoughts
and a sheet of dreams (not yet written on)

and here with scraps of my soon past
and my always never reached future
I head out again on the mighty sea of change


sailing into the vast,
but never lost
for above my head unchanging (no matter where my pillow be)
are the heavens
they guide me
the moon
it pulls me
the sun
it warms me
and the sea breeze...
whispers sweets into my ear

no matter where raft or feet might go

Thoughts...

* fall, not spring, is the beginning of my year
* seeds, bulbs... growing
* taking another step towards being whom I am meant to be... think: walking deeper into light
* moves, change, choice
* hurt, pain, suffering, hiding- giving up vs. fighting to the death
* this world is WAY bigger then me
* love, romance, adventure, trust
* understanding not just hearing, and learning to listen for whats not said
* friends, dear friends, best friends, being a friend
* acting in love through fear not because of fear

Lives Apart....

Hi everyone..

Just dropping by to say hello.
I am not dead yet..not a good news for some people.
Just feel dampened to share.
Sometimes my voice tends to be silenced.
As others think this blog belongs to them too.
I don't have much positive things to share recently.
Mostly rants and pent up emotions..
I may choose to pen it down elsewhere. But no!
How unfortunate.
My blog but not purely my voice.
Hope one day people would stop asking me.
Why I write what I write.
Or whether I am writing about anyone in particular.
Stop.
Only I matter in this space.
Cause this is my space.
I write here.
Let me write in peace.
This blog needs to transform.
And from now...
I really will not bother to censor my thoughts anymore.
Let me be.
I just love being me.
You should too.
We are the best thing God has ever created.
Not just iPad.

Serenity

Not to belabor the point, but I find myself whispering this to myself daily, practically hourly, as things continue to fall apart.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

I struggle to find balance in my nature; I am happy and content by design and it is so at odds with our circumstances...with my life. I find myself awaking each morning, tired and exhausted, yes, but still hopeful, happy. Only to get knocked down by each new wave in this sea of anxiety and dread that finds a way to keep filling my days even as I struggle to push it out. If you have ever been in the ocean you know that pushing against the waves is futile. It is like the wave that (literally) swept me off my feet and underneath a few weeks ago. Just as I thought I had found my balance another, stronger, wave came up behind it and turned me upside down, throwing me into the hard, scratchy sand littered with pebbles and jagged rocks. The wave that stole my happiness and threatened to steal my life too.

I struggle, too, with that feeling of wanting to control everything, to fix it somehow and make it better. To make people be and act the way I would have it. That, of course, is a futile effort. I find myself talking about futility and wasted energy a lot these days. Because, of course, as I have had to learn over and over in my life, the only control you ever have is over your own reactions to things, people, events. To spend time worrying, agonizing, fighting what is is wasting your own limited energy. But the feelings persist. They are there moments after I awake and threaten the peace that I found overnight.

And then, as the prayer says, there are the things I can change. I can change my own angst, my own despair. But, oh, after that initial optimistic waking, it can be so hard to regain my footing. That bigger, stronger wave always seems to be lurking, waiting to knock me down.

So, I pray. This simple prayer that reminds me that I can't control much, can't change much, and it is hopelessly exhausting to try. Instead, I need to accept things as they are, examine and adjust my own attitude and responses to situations and other people. To find peace in being, whatever is. To make sure that I am true to myself, to my own nature. To change the things that I can change, and find peace with the things that I can't.

You will come back again...

I’m stock in the place where you left me

And still I’m standing here waiting for you to come back

I can’t move on from this spot

`Coz I’m hoping that someday you’ll come back again



I tried to go forward sometimes

But I always end up with this place where you left me

Knowing that one day you’ll come back and vl be with me again

But I guess I’m too stupid to think it that way



I never want to expect anymore

That you will hold my hand the way you always do

I want to stop from dreaming

That someday you’ll come back again into my life



But no matter what I do

My heart desire’s is always you

And I know this time that I am really stupid

For no matter what happen I will always be here waiting for you to come
back...

Melly please come back soon....

Mann lago yaar fakiri main...

mann lago yaar fakiri mein -
kabhi rari sindoor - urr kajar diya na jaay
nainan pritam ram raha -
duja kaha samaay
preet jo laagi laagi
preet jo laagi
bhul gayi pith gayi manmaay
preet jo laagi
bhul gayi pith gayi manmaahi
room room piyu piyu kahe
mukh ki sirdha naay
mann laago yaar fakiri mein
bura bhala sab ko sun lejo -
kar gujraan garibi mein
mann laago yaar fakiri mein

sati bichari satkiya kaaton sej bichaay
le soti piya aapna chaun dis agan laagay
guru govind do khade - kaake laagu paay
panhaari guru aapne govind diyu banaay
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

mera mujhmein kutch nahi nahi
mera mera mujhmein kutch nahi kutch nahi
mera mujhmein kutch nahi nahi
mera mujhmein kutch nahi
jo kutch hai so tera
tera tujhko saup de kya laage hai mera
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

aakhir yeh tan khaakh milega -
kyun phirta magroori mein
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

likha likhi ki hai nahi -
dekha dekhi baat
dulha dulhan mil gaye phiki padi baraat
jab jab naata jagat ka tab bhakti na hooy
naata tode har wajah -
bhagat kaha ve hooy
hag has jaaye har koi an haas jaay na koi -
hag an had ke bitch mein raha kabira khooy
maala kahe hai kaanch ki tu kyu chhede mohe
maala maala kahe hai kaanch ki kanch ki maala maala
maala kahe hai kaanch ki tu kyun chhede hai mohe
mann ka mann ka khek de (suturk mila du sooy) -
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

kahe kabir sun o bhai saadhu -
saahib mile saroori mein
mann laago yaar fakiri mein -

Kyon yeh kehte ho ke tera kya hai

Aah-e-Tehkeek mein har gam pe uljhan dekhoon
Wohi haalat-o-khayalat mein an ban dekhoon
Ban ke reh jaata hoon tasweer pareshani ki
Ghaur se jab bhi kabhi duniya ka darpan dekhoon
Ek hi khaak pe fitrat ke tazaadat itnay
Kitnay hisson mein bata ek hi aangan dekhoon
Kahin zehmat ki sulagti hui patjhar ka samaan
Kahin rehmat ke baraste huay sawan dekhoon
Kahin phunkaarte darya, kahin khamosh pahaar
Kahin jangal, kahin sehra, kahin gulshan dekhoon
Khun rulata hai yeh takseem ka andaaz mujhe
Koi dhanwaan yehan par koi nirdhan dekhoon
Din ke haathon mein faqat ek sulagta sooraj
Raat ki maang sitaron se muzzayyan dekhoon
Kahin murjhaaye huay phool hain sacchai ke
Aur kahin jhoot ke kaanton pe bhi joban dekhoon
Shams ki kaal kahin khichti nazar aati hai
Kahin sarmad ki uttarti hui gardan dekhoon
Raat kya shai hai saweera kya hai
Yeh ujala yeh andhera kya hai
Mein bhi nayib hun tumhara akhir
Kyon yeh kehte ho ke tera kya hai

DEFINE... religion

All in all, I'm glad that I gave it all up. As much as I miss my once friend, it isn't worth it to stick to something for someone else. So many people judge you for the choices that you make in life, but when it comes down to it, its completely unfair that they do. Whatever choice that you have to make, or had to make, was chosen for a reason, they cannot judge you for it.... because it's free will.

Our world is ruled by religion. Its true that if not for religion the world would likely be plauged by anarchy, simply because people are not completely honest, kind, loving etc etc etc. Do we need religion to keep our way of life in order?

The majority of people would define religion in the following way: Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Islam, Sikh, Hindu... these are all different religions.... and this is what wikipedia says "Most definitions attempt to find a balance somewhere between overly sharp definition and meaningless generalities"

You cannot DEFINE religion. - A set of laws that we follow, Devine or not... we all have our own religion, always controlled by some kind of outside source.

Everyone follows the rules of life, because you cannot deny it. We are born, live breathe, suffer, endure, give up, suffer, move on, suffer, make choices, endure, regret, cry, get sick, learn, make mistakes, grow. This is how every single life looks. Anywhere along the line insert Death and you have every life exsisting now, and every life that has existed in the past.... and as for god, if he's there... he must be laughing, because we keep believing bullshit.

as for the afterlife, ... its AFTER life.

Are you a pigeon or a statue ???

I believe you can be described as one of two things; a statue or a pigeon. A statue; you're being crapped on from a great height. A pigeon; you're doing the crapping from a great height.

I describe my days as either. And, once you work out which one you are and accept that, things seem to get easier and easier.

If I were to sit down and add up everything that has ballsed up, stuffed up, gone wrong, caught fire, unsettled, pissed off etc etc me over the last 5 years, you'd spin out. I swear you would. I've been under some 'bad luck' blanket for quite some time now; and I'm now more than ready to pass it on.

But, when you consider things like the cyclone, floods, fires etc; it's not that big a deal. But honestly, I'm getting REALLY sick of my life resembling days of our lives. On my new year cards this year, I received a HEAP of 'I hope you have a BORING 2011'. And, you know what? So do I!!! But it's still not happening and so be it.

My friend had his fourth set of grommets in yesterday and all went well, as per normal. Except for vomiting all over the pathway that is. But hey, it could be worse; it could have been all over the way again.

Another friend has broken 2 toes and is meant to start his new job in a week. Again, could be worse; he could've broken his foot.

I have not slept for at least 3 days more than 3 hours. It's KILLING me!! If it's not my room mate asking some remote question about my room mate 'Boss, have you been working well in your office ? ' or 'ahhhoowwww it hurrttss' it's 'This is a high temperature alarm'.

I'm just past it. I'm tired, cranky and irritable. Don't shit me today, because I think I'd be capable of ripping your head off.

My mind...a constant battlefield

My mind is a constant battlefield. A war of impulsive raging thoughts combined with emotions. And of course matters don't help the fact that I'm a matured guy. I'm an adult but not. Legally I'm an adult. And at the appropriate times and places, I try to act as an adult (a mindful adult-who treats others with respect). I don't think it helps me that some adults treat me like an ignorant child. So, that may be why I'm confused as to what my age-appropriate role is here. I'm borderline. Regardless, I think EVERYONE should know how to act and treat other people at appropriate times, regardless of age. Sometimes I know to act like a respectful human being and other times it's appropriate for me to act like an idiot--because I'm young enough to get away with it without losing my "reputation".

So enough with the rambling. My 1st point I'm trying to make is that I'm at a rough/awkward age in life. but definitely not nearly as bad as being 14/15-I definitely would NEVER want to go back to that age! I'm currently "teeter-tottering" back and forth between adulthood and maturity and I think other adults in my life have a harder time determining what I am than what I think I am. Make sense?

Moving on...

On top of my age and variety of roles I play in life--my emotional/mental state is in it's own category. While in the midst of trying to have the mind of Christ by studying His word and putting it into action w/ different situations I go through, I've been battling depression/anxiety my WHOLE life. Except, I didn't know I had been dealing w/ depression until these past couple of weeks. I didn't know I was in depression until last week... and anxiety is something I've gotten better with, but have had relapses every now and then. I guess my question here is--WHAT do I do with these thoughts? these emotions? this anger? My anger has built up from years of being brought down, discouraged, feeling used when I know that I have tried so hard to manage these things--people don't even know the beginning of it. And if they did, they'd be very surprised that someone like me goes through and deals with all of this stuff. Yet, I hide it. Seems stupid right? Maybe. But I do it because ultimately I THINK it makes me stronger if I could learn the ability to override my own emotions and toughen up. To just block my emotions and take hit after hit and not have it effect me and my dreams. But I'm going about it the wrong way. I KNOW I am because all I end up with is left over anger. And the moment someone makes a personal attack against me or false accusation without even having the common knowledge of just coming to me and asking, the anger that was left over comes back and rises to the surface. I cry-I feel defeated.

So what do I do? How do I handle these conflicts/situations immediately without feeling like I'm going to lose control if I stick up for myself? How do I go about my rights of voicing my opinions to prevent false accusation without coming off as a rude/rebellious kid?

Do I allow myself to get angry and "press forward" only to regress? Or do immediately stand up for myself and not let it slide?

WHY AM I SO NICE?! Being angry isn't me. I don't seek revenge. I don't hold wrongs against anyone (mostly because I forget), but also because it's not within me or my spirit to do so. I follow through. I have so much to offer. Yet, I am never given credit.

THEN AGAIN--I think.. why do I, arjun sharma, feel that I need earthly praise? Why do I feel that I constantly need to feel encouragement from others?

It's probably because I lack encouragement SO MUCH.

I mean really people. I am a matured enuff hindu/brahmin boy in a world that is so corrupted-w/ a mission to bring Christ to people and people to Christ--but have failed to get encouragement from fellow believers. And sometimes not even those who are closest to me.

WHY IS THAT?! And I KNOW I'm not the only one who feels this way. My generation IS the future. And it's coming up fast. Don't you think the adults who are believers would make it THEIR mission to lift up their youth?

It's already BAD ENOUGH that I was born into a world of sin and show offs, but also trying to victoriously win the constant mental and emotional battles in my mind.

No one is at fault and no one's to blame. But when is enough really ever enough?

A part of me is saying to broadcast all of this because it could change a lot. But from past experiences, change wasn't the good news. It only brought on more anger from rejection.

I'm afraid of people.
I'm afraid of their thoughts.
I'm afraid of their intentions.
I'm afraid of their expectations.

I hope God is on my side. And I shouldn't be afraid..but then even God is also lost somewhere...

Prove Yourself to Youself...

This is a general post aimed at anyone who is looking to start the fantastic journey which I am on of proving myself.. it is aimed at any people as it talks about something that happens up and down with anyone who tries to do hardwork and follows the path of honesty and simplicity and determined to change the mentality of high class people..

So I am new to this serious ' prove myself ' game for the first time, I guess I need to prove myself and show everyone I am a tough guy yeah?

No. Categorically that is not what you need to do in any way but it is a mistake which is made my quite a lot of people...they get so deep into act of proving themselves that they almost get lost...

I was a new comer in this game not so long ago and I know how it feels, the new boy between high society people feeling but even worse as you are walking into an environment of people who know nothing about real life scenarios and who will inevitable roll with you and submit you.

There are really then 2 choices I guess, the first which is the path I tried to take and the like of Naz and Chaz after me took which is to work hard, show willing, take your licks, tap out often and come back for more. Try to learn as much as you can from everyone you roll with, show willing to help out all you can with other new folks. Just in generally show you are part of the world and also part of the family. It is an environment as I have stated before unlike almost any other. This can feel daunting at first but if your life is anything like mine it takes very little time to fit in and be accepted as soon as you show you are there and committed and keep turning up and working hard you are set. This is the way that almost everyone chooses and i hope it is the one that works, people might take to you, help and support you..all you need to show is that you are a tough guy..

However there are some that take a second route, which while it is understandable it is not the right way and will not help long term. This is the method which involves walking into the life seeing what is going on and trying to go as hard and rough as you can. The mentality based around “I haven’t got the skill but I am strong” or as my Mum says “Strong in the arm soft in the head”. This is not the way to go, hurting folk or just going rough will not help you fit in it will not help you become a strong contender. More importantly maybe, you may beat these high society people with power and roughness but what do you learn from that, what technique do you pick up, how does this better you? The answer is that it doesn’t and this is an important lesson as jobs and life styles always has those at the start and those further on and one helps bring the other along. That is certainly something my friend steve is a great advocate of he always makes sure that we get well with high society people and they should always be respected because that makes them feel happy and great but at the same time they should have the duty to help people with simplicity in their heart and not so higher class..

Now at most places you will always get a second chance and be asked politely to try anything other than power and violence, most simple, kind people and slightly poor ones like myself will generally allow this new over eagerness and not react. But do not mistake the kindness and good hearted nature of people for weakness, if you continue down the wrong path it will not help you develop or really enjoy and love your life.

Just remember, you do not need to prove yourself to others and to the world.. just show commitment, hard work and the willingness to be part of a great thing, and prove yourself to yourself as after all this is the most important thing...

Improper Expectations ..

Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords: but, like all other pleasures immoderately enjoyed, the excesses of hope is expiated by pain; and expectations improperly indulged, always end in disappointment..

If it be asked, what is the improper expectation which it is dangerous to indulge, experience will quickly answer, that it is such expectation as is dictated not by reason, but by desire; expectation raised, not by the common occurrences of life, but by the wants of the expectant; an expectation that requires the common course of things to be changed, and the general rules of action to be broken.

Protagonist !!

Having memory means strive to revive bitterness and suffering, having a memory after all is our unique heritage that helps us to face the future with dignity, to undertake the journey of history, personal and collective with confident that we will not repeat mistakes and the best is yet to come.

Therefore, the protagonist who are each in our own.. lives Entrepreneurship trip each day to start again to bravely face the challenge of being alive, to exit the loop impossible, imposed forgetfulness and stubbornness, a story that is repeated by our own cowardice to take charge of our future.

It doesn’t have to be this way

Sometimes I wonder where i am coming from
when i roll in like thunder just to turn around and run
it’s a good thing I don’t need to stay

I smell like moonlight in early morning rain
Pray tell a fool might surrender to my pain
Or find a cure for my decay

I am at my best with an ache in my chest
and that worn out old song that i play
Only God and i who long to teach u
should no one be left to betray

I don’t know the answer but I know who to blame
You can choose the dancer and you can choose the flame
I think i’ll find they’re one in the same

It doesn’t have to be this way
I am at my best with an ache in my chest
and that worn out old song that i play
Only God and i who long to teach u
should no one be left to betray

I don’t know the answer but I know who to blame
Pray tell a fool but surrender to my pain
It’s a good thing I don’t need to stay

Sometimes I wonder where i am coming from
when i roll in like thunder just to turn around and run
It’s a good thing I don’t need to stay
It doesn’t have to be this way

IAMBLOODYALONEINTHISWHOLEUNIVERSE ??

According to a Harvard Professor, We are all alone in this great big universe because there's no alien life in our universe

And you know what, I think we are actually more alone than being the only one planet with life in the universe, because personally, I think it's more correct to say that everyone is actually all alone by themselves in the whole universe.

yea, all alone

I'm not being emo, in case you are stereotyping every person who talks about loneliness as being an emo freak. But don't you think I make sense? In this WHOLE world, there's only one person, who looks like you, smells like you, talks like you, thinks like you and went through the same things as you.

And that's you

So no one really know or understand you (and they will never be able to) and neither do you really know or understand someone else too. We see aliens as something/someone that we are unable to relate to, something/someone who are different from whom we are. So isn't it the same between people and people? We are like living all alone among aliens, whom we don't understand entirely and who don't understand us entirely too.


This is not the first time I ponder about this whole IAMBLOODYALONEINTHISWHOLEUNIVERSE idea. But they ended up the same way every time;
1) the whole thought just made me want to go and live on a mountain by myself more
2) I was so overwhelmed and in such a low-spirit that I just want to go and sleep (which acts as the most effective and convenient form of escapism for me)
3) feeling better because that fully explains why someone else is making life difficult for me by not understanding me.


And that's because, they are aliens

I'll Wait..

So here I am

Tired and depressed

Thinking of ways

That I can become a success

It's nerve wrecking

Sitting n thinking

Comparing myself with highly paid people

It makes me wonder

If life is still worth living

But then again I should be thankful

For what I have been given

The pressure of being a loner

Is unbearable

But the unemployment rate

Is understandable

I feel like a loser

Sitting here writing this

But I love to write

So that i can feel light

I feel like everyone hates me

And that I am socially rejected

But it doesn't matter

I am as good as dead

I bet you all are reading this

and I bet you all are ready to judge

Be my guest

It doesn't bring me any luck

Sometimes I wonder

Why I was put on this earth

Like what my purpose is here

and why I am feeling so hurt

My life really sucks

And I try to fool myself

Into thinking it doesn't

When in reality

I have nothing

I feel like I am standing in the rain

Crying in pain

Thinking of everybody in vein

I'm similar to

Short term memory

I meet people

But they never remember me

This is not what I want

I need structure

I need to start building my life

Or I will find it hard to survive

I can't continue

staying at home

Relying on people

To give me something

I realize

That I have to get out and get it

I feel like I try so hard

But people only make my life harder

It's like I'll never win

So I light up a circle of candles

And sit in the center

Telling myself

That I can be a winner

I hate the position

That I am in right now

But eventually things will get better

and I won't have to frown

But until then

I'll sit and wait

Until I can get back on my feet

And set everything straight

Stand Up..

Its scary to me to realize that the people you think are the strongest, can sometimes be the most lost. Is it only because you want to see that person as your stronghold that when they break down your so shocked? What do you do to help someone that you've never had to help before? I guess sacrifice is what it comes down to. The people you love are the ones you need to stand up for.

Choice is yours....

The Choice is Yours


Shallow people love to show off.

“Look at me, how fair am I.”

But what do they have to show?

Skin, fat, bones, puss and hair.

Big deal. Bad deal.

Bad for them, and bad for those who watch the show.


Go to a marriage party and what do you find?

People sitting like kings and queens on chairs

Criticizing other people and killing themselves with

flashy once is a year wearable clothes

just to amuse the mind and gratify their little egos.

These are the still-born children of the world of Samsara

(the world of the selfish).

They have never breathed the wisdom of the soul.

They have never moved the mind with inspiration or tasted the nectar of bliss.

Their entire life is seething with anger and frustration,

wasted in excitement and boredom, chasing after ‘fun.’


Shallow people never last for long.

Like a puddle of water that dries up soon in the hot sun,

they are here today and tomorrow gone.

First they sprout, then they bud and bloom.

In no time they fade, wither, decay and die.

This is the life cycle of lies lived by an ordinary man or woman.


Deep people are different.

Their life is sublime.

They don’t live for the pleasures of the body or the whims of the mind.

Their beauty is not skin deep, but internal.

Deep people pass through the phases of life raising their consciousness,

Becoming more and more aware of that which is eternal.


Deep people have peace of mind.

Shallow people appease the mind.

Deep people absorb themselves in the wisdom of consciousness.

Shallow people are ego-pleasers and

get sucked into the moods of the mind.


In this life, there are two ways to go, one is bleak and the other bright.

One is the way of fools,

the other the way of the wise.

One leads you astray into selfish habits,

the other makes you happy, healthy, and wise.

One is the way of pleasure-seekers, and shortens your life;

the other is the way of wisdom-seekers, and prolongs your life.

One is cruel and unforgiving,

the other is filled with compassion and free of strife.

One is shallow, unsteady, and surreal;

the other is profound, stable, and very, very real.

One is self-seeking and gives pleasure and pain;

the other seeks the Self, and cannot be measured by worldly gain.

One path lures you into the endless revolution of birth and death;

the other path frees you from your mindless longing and its pollution.

The path of Light (the Way of the Wise) takes you beyond the

images of mind and the regions of matter, and leads up the ladder of evolution

to the highest states of Pure Consciousness.


Choose your path and know where you are going (walk in the Light).

Keep moving forward without any fear or thought of consolation.

Don’t bend your principles before the insolent might.

Open your eyes and perceive what you see (see things for what they are).

Open your ears and understand what you hear

(don’t misunderstand, be perplexed, or deceived).

The choices you make today determine tomorrow,

and this life determines the next.

“You are the sum total of the choices you make.”

Don’t waste even a single day wallowing in a life of lies.

Choose carefully what you see with your eyes and hear with your ears.

(Don’t fall for hollow distractions.)

Choose carefully your tastes (your likings), and choose carefully the feelings you have and the scents (attractions) you follow.

You are the author of your own life and destiny.

You are the script writer, producer, director, and actor.

This is your life.

Reveal your True Nature, manifest your inner glow.

Listen to the voice of Pure Consciousness.

Unite the mind with the Divine and let the wisdom flow.

The choice is yours.

Million Little Pieces of life ....

More than two and half year has passed. Never thought I could hang on this far. I'm in my fourth posting now. And I'm also a good resource there. Yes, everything is a eff-ed up. People may say wow DUDE! Superb! Heh. The truth is it's not. And I'm not here to talk how eff-ed up it is. This may not be what I want in life but heh, just bring it on. I've decided. It's definitely going to be my choice in my life. I'm not gonna stay in a world full with shine and show offs everywhere.

Enough about work. Let's talk about age and love. I'm almost in mid of my life. I don't think I'm old yet. I still have a lot to do. I know everyone around me is getting married and having families. I want that. I seriously do. It's just so hard to fall again. I'm still not over you, eh wait it yet. So if it's time that I need. So, be it. I don't want anyone to be a rebound. See, I'm a nice human being. And if crazy is what I need to be, so be it. It's just too difficult to erase your images. This feeling is so weird.

Well, to those people who are sitting in their air conditioned rooms & looking for some rich man's blog that is full with inspiration. I think you've come to a wrong place. I'm just a plain human being whose life is so eff-ed up. And he's still figuring out how to make it less eff-ed up.

CaveMan By Brains !

These days i have been exploring hell lot of human beings and i am very excited about my new exploration of troglodyte human beings who are caveman by brains.
Uncle Einstein, I am missing you at this moment. Trust me, i am so big fan of you and your theories of evolution of monkey to human being, i definately would have discussed about my new exploration with you. Coming back to the point, my exploration - " Cave Man By Brains " is a very specific bunch of assorted, out of sync yet perfectly self tuned people with glorious past and tales of their biggest struggles ever done in the history of mankind.They are self proclaimed and they think they own everything that a billionaire or millionaire owns except a brain which is really a very big part of human body.

This specie of human lives in so called megacities and they are the damn metrosexulals people who are almost punk by their acts and thinking but they have a brain of cave man. They love to own a car but they still love stone wheel invented by their ancestors, they love fine dine but prefer hunting down and eating raw flesh, they love candle lights but they lit the candles with old caveman style of rubbing their crudes ( i mean stones and sticks )...Caveman are always portrayed as wearing shaggy animal hides, armed with rocks or cattle bone clubs, unintelligent, and aggressive but this specie of Caveman prefers branded clothes for some social reasons but trust me i have seen them more comfortable in their prehitoric shaggy animal hides gowns, they are most happy that time. Our troglodyte cerebrum ( " CaveMan By Brain " ) prefer visiting art galleries but they cant stop themselves from making some dancing dolls and running animals kind of prehistoric paitings on the walls, dude ! u r awesome..can u please make a nude painting of me ?? but not on walls please..i dont want you to get famous by drawings my balls on a wall which is open to anyone..

CaveMan by brains !! Talking about the positive part of them, i think they are interesting people. I mean its always adventurous to be with such people. I love to see how they manage themselves with double barrled aspects of their life and i was amazed to see their adaption according to the situation...i mean they are awesome..even more than a whiptail lizard of desert who is smart enough to stay out of the sun during the hottest part of the day. They stay deep underground in burrows as the sand is much cooler there.

.......to be continued

Stuff Pretentious People Like: Being Busy

If there’s one thing pretentious people just love, it’s being monumentally busy and belonging from high class. The world is a fast-paced place, after all, and pretentious people are right in the thick of it at all times. They’re not like the rest of us, who just glide through life with nothing to do all day, waiting for them to be available so we can have something really fun to do. You are the Ford Crown Victoria to their Porsche 911 Turbo, so you better get out of the way, at least until they tell you there’s room in their passenger seat (which might be on the 10th of Never, honestly).

Despite their monumentally “occupied” status, don’t expect to ever see them anywhere out on the town. They don’t do the same things socially, because they exist on a higher plane, participating in activities to which you are not invited or they try to be social at places where they should be quite. They have a whole other set of friends that also have a whole other set of friends. And none of the friends you share in common will ever see them either. While this may sound suspicious (and you might start to suspect they are actually sitting at home on any given night in elasticized ankle sweats, eating some self proclaimed chef food and watching re-runs of “ FRIENDS, the whole phenomenon makes sense. The friends you have in common obviously suck as much as you do and aren’t invited either.

While pretentious people are very busy, they are often not very happy about the horrible things they have to do and in real life they are more horrible than a 1970's ugly and weired mix of wolf and a man called as wolfman. These also double as excuses for why they can’t work you into their schedules this week and will have to be penciling you in until after their “busy season:”
-- Thanks to Pompous Pilate for helping me in writing this.

Words fail me and I over look

Words fail me and I over look.

My chest hurts and tears welled up when I least expect, memories caught me and I mix as if the assembly was defective, as if on purpose, knowing not put those parts of my memories.
My chest hurts, my foot hurts, and especially hurts my elbow. It hurts me deep inside, and if I stop, I can tell the precise machinery of my pain, as if it were a clock, but it's funny, I can not break anything, and I see the infinite pieces. I only brought mixed memories from way back.
I leave the words escape me and I go to the air. I can see between small floral clusters of small clouds as if it were.
I remember your smile hurts a certainty of something that will not return. And it's funny, because they are the memories I keep hearing the least, and yet, I have days with your laughter in my head, hitting hard, as insisting on preserving the memory above all others. But as I listen with clarity, and make it heard the tune separately from the rest, I only hear my own tears mingling with your laughter and then the perception becomes clear sound. It is a cry dry, rough, which gradually fades from city traffic.

Small Victory

Lazing about, listening to the waning hum of the fan as it rotates over me, sheepishly letting the warm air tuck me into a false sleep.

The bags that once were become more apparent; wrinkles now creased upon my pale flesh - a furrowed brow showing signs of zealous overuse. Change is unlike anything there is, regardless of how much we might seem to enjoy affixing it to mother nature. It has not been long, yet eternity has raged on ceaselessly.

Eyes fluttering open, keeping the memories of old from pervading my sanctum. Funny how such sweet memories of the past can taste so bitter-sweet now. Caught in the rip-tide that is day to day life, there is little we can do but go where the current takes us. Of course we know what ocean we go into and know we'll still be there when it ends, but that is only the basis, the structure to our future.

The creaking of an old vehicle yielding at the apartment parking, engine panting in the tepid heat. Once again the fan overpowers the background, seemingly blowing away what small worries there were just moments ago. How it gives me such reassurance is somewhat alarming, but at the same time it gives me peace of mind. I thank it. Abrupt and short-lived laughter. Sentiments shown towards an inanimate object.

The sun has long since set, but the heat persists. The fan keeps blowing, as though it were the last bastion to fend a warring army - the odds of it overcoming everything are impossible, but momentary relief is what it aims to do. Fixated on such smalls things, my mind strays again. Heavy tiredness wears on my body and soul. Long days, long nights. This was the trade and I knew it all along - yet selfish and fickle as we humans are, we will still hunger for a happiness unrequited.

Until then, for now, I turn my sympathy and admiration to that rustic device above me. Lazily turning the air around me cool. Sleep will soon come, and the memories will come as well. It's part of the package, as they say.

Drifting off, the night closes in, as though to embrace the body that stirs not. It's a welcome gesture and fully received. Let it whisper sweet nothings into my ear and fill my heart with the melancholy of tomorrow and an endearing future.

Sleeping as the fan rotates mechanically, the heat falls back. A rare, but small victory for the day - but that was all that was needed.

That is my Journey

Overcome with apathy and melancholy, my life has given way to hallowed prospects and a curt view on the immediate future. You can lie to yourself, you can lie to others, but when those lies finally catch up, everyone is caught drowning in the vast ocean of disparity and disillusion.

A fine line between hopeful optimism and realistic pessimism. The line of logic you draw is not straight. It holds no form, no rhythm, no pattern, no rules, no limit, no threshold, no bottom. It is a representation of life - of you, of me. It's the open world, all set out before you in a tantalizing manner. Look, but do not take. To take, you must earn that right of ownership. It is only then that the world becomes yours.

In an ever-changing world, we are pitted against ourselves and others daily. A quasi-battle of "survival of the fittest"; but in reality, it is only looking out for yourself. You cannot expect to rely on others, and should not leave yourself to be guided by them. In the event they disappear, you are left stranded in the open without a recollection or clue of where you were going. What was my destination? What was my goal?

It is the point in which you start again. Move. Move. Move forward. Move backward. Move sideways. It doesn't really matter, as long as you're moving. That is hopeful optimism. A direction does not matter as long as you find happiness in that quest.

That is my trail right now. There may be precautionary lines guiding my peripheral vision for the time being, but it will not always exist. Soon my blinders will be taken off. Then it will be my turn - my next trial. When I approach that fork in the road, I will decide on which route suits me best.
... That is my journey.

Pain

Have you ever felt pain?

Acute pain?

Something is not right, you know it

Something far from pain

Shred off the masks, say the truth

Do not only complain

or sustain

The pain

It will come again and again

Till you lose the taste of life there and in between

Nothing is of value anymore

A black cloud colors everything, and drains

The energy from your body, soul and brain

Have you ever experienced such pain?

Go ahead, share your story, there’s nothing to hide or contain

We’re all human, eh?

Are we sure of that, or are we trying to explain?

To each other, to the world, that our life is not in vain

What if this was a dream?

A long nightmare

Full of pain

Full of struggle and disappointment, would you refrain?

from living it, or could you abstain?

Is there an option? Can you submit a complain?

Has anyone asked you to enter the dream?

Have you been aware of what lies ahead?

Do not hide the pain

It will come again

Unless you wake up from the dream

The so long nightmare

There will be no pain

Maybe!

Another nightmare might be waiting around the corner

to suck you in

into an endless sort of pain

From which there’s no escape

Or going back to the first dream

Of lesser pain…

Waiting For You !

I do
What I want
To do and that is
wait on you

You got a
Lot to go through
You are
So far away too

And as soon
As you come in
You'll make my life
An earthly heaven

I am going to
Wait on you
I feel what
You're going through

I want to
See you and hold you too
So I'm waiting
For you.

Sanity Savers !

I’m overwhelmed at the moment. With work and life. To the point of tears.

Don’t worry. This isn’t a whining blog. We all get overwhelmed at times so I know I’m in good company.

I’ve been filling in for the morning shift. And at the same time, I got assigned some responsibilities which will keep me busy for long time. I’m working long days. No days off. I get home late in time, no time to eat dinner, getting into bed very late but i do get up at around 5:00 AM to do it again. It's starting to wear on me a bit.

I find I get a little more nuts—i.e., whiny, cranky, bitchy, teary, sanctimonious, etc.—when I don’t take a few minutes for stuff that centers me.

These are my Sanity Savers

A Time Limit: I know the trial of my life is on & will be done this week and my projects will be green flagged in two weeks. So, it might be a hellish few days but two weeks from today, it’s done. I’ll cling to that and start checking off days.

Thinking: Spending even a few minutes with my brain seems to calm something in my soul. I don’t even know if it’s the act of thinking or just being in my house, alone. I’m your basic introvert so this is the perfect way to re-energize.

Friends: This is one often adds to my busy days because I have to take time to see them but it really does help. I’ve got three meetings for coffee or breakfast this week. It’s on my calendar and I’ll just slip away from work for a few minutes and come back calmer.

Writing: I particularly feel this one. When I’m so busy with the day job that I don’t have time to write, it weighs on me. Not really a conscious thing but I just get discontented with life. Then I spend a few hours with my characters and suddenly my mind is working again. I’ve got happy little voices in my head. Doesn’t always help with the day job but it makes the time much more entertaining.

So what do you do to save your sanity when you’re overwhelmed with the pressures of life? I’m always looking for something new to try.